Who's Got This?

When your child is trying to learn a new skill, you will often tell them, "You've got this!"

 Or, "I believe in you!"

 Or, "I know you can do this!"

 We express confidence in their ability, not because we want to give them false security, but because we want them to know we believe in them. It doesn't change whether or not they can do the task ahead of them, but it changes how we look at that task. 

As a child, I was never very athletic (I wasn't really anything at all that resembled being the SLIGHTEST bit athletic!) I decided to take up running though, and I can still hear the voices of some onlookers who totally made fun of my attempts. Running didn't come easily for me, I wasn't good at it, and they made sure to point that out. I felt defeated. And even though today I can say I've run in and placed in many races, and I've even done triathlons, I can still hear those girls' voices in my head, telling me I'm not good enough. It shakes my confidence. 

My husband has always said he's not very handy, but when push came to shove, he found himself in the midst of ripping up our downstairs carpet and installing beautiful, new wood laminate floors. He had some friends and a very excited wife cheering him along, affirming him and applauding him when it was completed. (Seriously, they look incredible!) But I can often catch him glaring at the floors intently, picking out little flaws he wishes he could go back and change. 

...In ministry, we've had situations where people have questioned our call to ministry. They don't like the way we play or sing or lead, so they say things like, "Maybe this isn't your calling," simply because it doesn't meet up to their personal expectations. 

Whether we place it on ourselves, or it comes from others, criticism and doubt are common occurrences that like to drag us down. 

But you know what the BIBLE says about each of us? The Bible tells us that we are more than conquerors in Christ (Romans 8:37); the Bible tells us that we can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us (Philillians 4:13); the Bible tells us that "we WILL overcome" (Revalation 12:11)! The world may tell us that we aren't good enough and will never measure up, but God sees us through the lenses of His son, Jesus Christ, and in Him, we are made into an entirely new creation. (2 Corinthians 5:17) 

So, when I start listening to those negative voices, in a sense, I am telling God that HE is not good enough, strong enough, and able enough; I am telling Him I don't trust Him enough; And I'm telling Him I don't have enough confidence in Him. But that's not what the Bible tells me! The Bible says that I am to "approach the throne of grace with CONFIDENCE" (Hebrews 4:16)!

Am I confident that God is able to accomplish anything through me? Am I confident that God will fulfill His purpose for me? Am I confident that God loves me unconditionally? I do believe, but I pray daily for God to help the unbelief that my fleshly side still clings to. Because just like I want my children to believe me when I say they can do something, my Heavenly Father wants me to trust His words of assurance to me, too. And if I will place my gaze upward, I will see that He's got His arms opened wide, encouraging His child along this journey on earth. We just have to take the time to look up to see Him, and take the time to stop and listen for Him. It's not about learning to have confidence in ourselves and think that "I've got this," but it's about realizing that HE truly does. 

The Three Letters in the Middle...

 You may have picked up on a new social media hashtag being celebrated amongst pro-choicers: #shoutyourabortion 

Just typing the words out makes my stomach turn. It is difficult for me to understand how anyone can ever justify the act of abortion, but the thought that people find it celebratory is just sickening. In response to this hashtag, a friend of mine posted a precious picture of her son and my son together. Both were adopted from the same agency, and both are truly such a gift to our families! For her hashtag, she chose to say #shoutyourADOPTION ! I found this new caption positively brilliant and posted this comment with the picture of Knox and Gabriel: 

"THIS is what I choose to celebrate: two beautiful lives that are able to LIVE their life to its fullest because two beautiful birth mothers chose to GIVE them that life. THAT is something worth shouting out and celebrating!"

After posting it, I received a text from a concerned friend. She had not yet heard of the pro choice hashtag, and she thought I had mistakenly written the words 

#shoutyourABORTION instead of 

#shoutYourADOPTION. I was able to fill her in on this horrible new trend, but in doing so I realized how close the two words are: abort and adopt. The two words may look very similar at a quick glance, but their meanings are far from similar. One word (adopt) means to accept or to take as one's own, while the other (abort) means to terminate or bring to a premature end. Both words start the same, both in appearance and in meaning: adoption begins because of a life, and abortion is chosen because of a life. However, it's those three letters in the middle that make all the difference--and in a sense, it's those three people in the middle of these circumstances that make all of the difference, too. In adoption, there is a baby with a life to live, a birth mother with a choice to make, and a family with eager hearts and open arms to welcome this baby AND their birth mother into their forever family. With abortion, there is still a baby with a life to live and a birth mother with a choice to make, but the third party holds anything but eager hearts and open arms--it holds the ability to end not just the life of the baby, but a part of life that the birth mother would also have had the opportunity to live. Aborting a baby doesn't just hurt the precious life of that baby, but it also hurts the life of that baby's mother. Many women have been lied to about the truth of abortion, and many people even encourage the celebration of such a choice. This is nothing but a horrible coverup for a horrific tragedy though. Many women are told that their life will be over if they birth a baby they didn't want, but in all reality, abortion is doing the same thing: ending a life. The life of that baby will be over, and the life that the birth mother would have experienced will also be over. Many may see this as a positive thing, but I refuse to buy into that lie. After all, there is certainly no proof of that, because that opportunity has never been able to present itself. 

The fact that our society has come to the point of celebrating murder...I just am without words in how it grieves my heart. I grieve over these little lives that were never given a chance, I grieve over the families that so desperately wanted to parent them, and I grieve deeply over these mothers that are so very deceived. Truly, every life is BEAUTIFUL! So, this day, I celebrate the beautiful life I see in my son, and I celebrate the life his birth mother has given to our family. This day, I want to shout it out that every life is truly beautiful. Please don't be silent in this fight for life. Find a way to support the prolife cause, and if you can...

#shoutyouradoption! 

Product Review

I received this product for free from influenster to try out, and I was asked to give a review of it on my blog. Here is a picture of my review--super fun, quick, and easy to use product to get a natural looking tan in a very safe way. I can't say it made a huge difference in color, but it's certainly natural looking and gives a nice tint. Thanks @SallyHansen and @Influenster!

Adventures in (home)schooling!

This year, we are embarking upon a new journey for our family: home schooling! I imagine the reaction to this will be all across the board, and while my own emotions have certainly covered a wide range, DH and I feel an overwhelming peace about this decision.

Being home schooled myself for the majority of my schooling, I always said I wanted to home school my own children. But when it came time for Lucy to actually start school, we felt the Lord leading us in an entirely different direction. We have always stuck by the mantra that we would take it year by year though, so as each school year comes before us, we have prayed and sought God's direction for what He would have us to do, and in Lucy's few short years of education thus far, she has experienced a variety of paths: public school, private school, and now, home school.

Since DH is between jobs right now, we really feel that home schooling will give our family not only the most flexibility as we search for what God has for us to do, but it will also allow Lucy the most stability through this school year. Having already taken her out of one school here, I would hate for us to get her adjusted to a new school only to possibly have to take her out of that one, too. We are also excited about the opportunity that home schooling will allow our family to bond in a new way. I'm sure there are going to experience multiple levels of chaos going on in our house trying to teach a second grader while having one pre-schooler and one toddler under foot, not to mention a tired/nauseated pregnant mommy-teacher and soon-to-be-newborn joining our Toller troup, but overall we are excited to embrace the crazy and enjoy this new adventure!

For this year, we will be using the Sonlight curriculum. I'm so excited to dive into this Bible-based curriculum that's full of so many wonderful books! We decided to wait until after Labor Day to start (I actually remember that's about the same time I started my second grade year, too...),
so tomorrow will be our first official day of home schooling!

Our piano studio has undergone a bit of a facelift with the addition of beautiful new flooring

 (thanks to my amazing DH who installed it!) and an antique school desk that I actually used as a little girl, too! I added a corner shelf to give us some more organization options in the room, too.

 (This curriculum is VERY much literature-based/reading-intensive, so there are a TON of books to find room for!) I am hoping to add a large, magnetic chalkboard to the wall in front of her desk, too, but in the mean time we will utilize our chalkboard cross for our weekly memory verses.

 It's always interesting to me how every time I feel like we have absolutely no room left in our house, God always provides the space we need. As I prayed over how to rearrange furniture, things just fell into place. In fact, with the addition of furniture in the studio, I actually feel like the space is even more functional than it was before! I'm enjoying my somewhat-new teaching space, and I'm excited about the time we will spend in there doing school.

To make the start of school seem a bit more special, I took Lucy school supply shopping today. She doesn't need a whole lot, but it was fun letting her pick out fun colored pencils and erasers and a new pencil box. She was having a hard time deciding which one to get (poor kid has gotten my indecisive tendencies) and said, "I think we should get both of these." I said, "Lucy, we don't need two pencil boxes!" She replied, "No Momma, I think Gabriel would really like to have one, too." It totally warmed my heart to see her thinking of her brother! So, GP will awake tomorrow to an Avengers pencil box filled with brand new crayons,
 along with a preschool prep workbook. (That boy is obsessed with his letters!) and my sweet Lucy bug will have a Cinderella pencil box...filled with Avengers pencils! LOL! She truly is such a great mixture of her momma and daddy! I even picked up some new blocks and playdoh for Annie and Gabriel to be able to play (hopefully) quietly with as Lucy is doing her school work.

We also incorporated some of our previous before-school-starts traditions by taking Lucy out for cheesecake this evening. She enjoyed a HUGE piece of red velvet cheesecake with plenty left to bring home to enjoy later!
After we came home, we laid out her clothes for tomorrow (she has a new outfit that we have saved for her first day of school) and read the same book we read each year before school begins: "Petunia the Silly Goose."

I love how the moral of this book is simply stated in a quote towards the end: "It is not enough to carry wisdom under my wing. I must put it in my mind and in my heart." This so speaks my desire for Lucy's education--I want her to have knowledge always at her fingertips, and I want her to learn how to actually use it in her every day life. Even more than that, I want her to see how Jesus desires to enter every part of her life and show her how He can use that knowledge to work in and through her life if she will have a heart willing to follow Him. So not only will we study reading and writing and arithmetic, but we will also focus on God's Word and see how everything flows together so seamlessly. I'm so excited to embark upon this new journey as a family! Please pray for us as we seek to be organized and yet flexible. Pray for us to teach in a way that is exciting and clear, and pray for an eagerness in Lucy to learn and grow.

Good-bye summer, and hello second grade! 

Held...

The language of tears is a pretty amazing one. As a momma, you learn how to interpret the various cries your children make. We had one yesterday afternoon that was an "I'm too curious to stay away from the wet tile after Mommy just mopped, so I'm gonna slip and fall on the ground..." So I scooped my baby girl up, kissed her owie, and all was right with the world once again.

Then there was the "I'm hungry and need a snack" type of cry, which was quickly resolved with a few gingerbread cookie crackers. (I've pretty much stocked up on all things ginger in my kitchen. Preggo PB is sporting that *lovely* first trimester glow which resembles that of the Wicked Witch from the Wizard of Oz: green.)

Then, earlier this evening, we had the "I'm sleepy but I don't want to go to sleep" type of cry. So I just held my baby girl tightly, because even though she fought me on it, I knew what she really needed was rest....

And then, later this evening, I heard another cry, but this was a different kind. This was a sad cry. This was one of those, "the only thing that will make it better is if momma just holds me" kinds of cries. And so hold her, I did. I held her as she kept screaming.

I pulled her close as the tears fell harder and faster. I kissed her precious forehead as she wailed.

And then I watched her. I watched her gradually calm down and her eyelids grow heavy; I felt her snuggle in close and breathe out those melodious baby sighs; I prayed over her to be granted sweet and peaceful dreams. I simply held my baby girl... 

And as I was holding her, I was reminded of an old song by Natalie Grant. The lyrics say this: 

"Held"

Two months is too little

They let him go

They had no sudden healing

To think that providence

Would take a child from his mother

While she prays, is appalling

Who told us we'd be rescued

What has changed and

Why should we be saved from nightmares

We're asking why this happens to us

Who have died to live, it's unfair

This is what it means to be held

How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know

That the promise was that when everything fell

We'd be held

This hand is bitterness

We want to taste it and

Let the hatred numb our sorrows

The wise hand opens slowly

To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held

How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know

That the promise was that when everything fell

We'd be held

If hope is born of suffering

If this is only the beginning

Can we not wait, for one hour

Watching for our Savior

This is what it means to be held

How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know

That the promise was that when everything fell

We'd be held

[Repeat Chorus]

As I held my own baby girl close tonight, I was reminded of a beautiful picture of how my heavenly Daddy holds me, too. I have days when I cry out because I'm in need, days that I cry out because I'm exhausted, and days that I cry out because I've been hurt. There are some days where I just fall limp into my daddy God's arms, because nothing else will comfort me. But there are other days where I feel like I'm kicking and screaming, fighting against what it is I really need to do: surrender. We often think of surrender as an act of doing nothing, but surrender takes a great deal of action--it requires a willingness to let go...a willingness to simply be held...

I am so humbled that I was chosen to be the mommy of these amazing kiddos that I get to call mine. I'm blessed that I have had the opportunity to learn their different cries from the time they were fresh from Heaven. I'm honored to be the one who gets to pick them up and wipe away their tears. But even though I'm THEIR mother, I'm also still HIS child, and I'm so thankful that my Daddy-God knows how to interpret the cries of His children, too. Oh what a comfort it is to be held by our Father and to be picked up by Him as He interprets each tear that falls from our face, holding every single one of them in His hands...

Great "Expectations"

I need to preface this post by saying it is a bit long, but I PROMISE it is worth the read! This is one you will want to pay close attention to;-)

...

I have been slightly cryptic but mostly pretty quiet about some recent events in our family's life. This is not because I am trying to hide anything, but simply because my heart has been so very broken and confused that I don't even know how to put my feelings into the right words at this time.  It is times like these--times when your world feels shattered and you have no idea where to go from here--when all you can do, which is the very best thing to do, is to fall limp into your Daddy-God's arms and cry. I love that my Saviour never grows tired or weary of my cries, because His mercies truly are "new every morning." I have been reminded these past few months that even when our world feels like it is falling apart, the Word stands firm! So, as I've cried out to the Lord, He has continually brought me to His Word to encourage me, to correct me, and to nourish my soul. The following are some very specific verses He has led me to during these past few months:

B: "BUT for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13

A: "AND not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5

B: “You’re BLESSED when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you. 

You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.

You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.

You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ you find yourselves cared for. You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family. 

You’re blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom.

Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don’t like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble." Matthew 5:3-12

Y: "YOU will go out in joy and be led forth in peace. The mountains and the hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands." Isaiah 55:12

I'm not sure if you noticed, but check out the first letter in bold of each of those verses, then connect them all together to form a word. 

Do you see it? 

See, the Lord wasn't only using these verses to heal my wounded heart during a time of grief in our lives, but He was using those verses to prepare my heart for a tremendous GIFT in the midst of such grief: 

B

A

B

Y

BABY!! 

That's right! Two days after my husband and our pastor resigned from our church, we received the shock of our lives: we are expecting!  In the midst of a pretty dark time, the Lord has given us such a gift--such a bright spot! I told a friend this week how we are just so thankful for His perfect plan. All those years we struggled with infertility, when my heart felt so broken, the Lord was working.  If we had things "our" way and had gotten pregnant when we wanted to, we never would have gotten our son...and I just shudder to think of our life without Gabriel! No other baby could have filled that void in our family that he has. He is SUCH a special gift that God ordained to be a part of our family! God is so good to let us kick and scream along the way, knowing that He has it all figured out for us. So, I choose to trust in that glorious hope He gives us as His children, even in the midst of such a confusing time in the life of our family and our ministry. I know He has a much greater plan than we could imagine, and I am confident that He will make beauty from these ashes. 

So, as I am currently "expecting" a child, we are also "expecting" for our God to move in great and powerful ways in our family's life--ways that only He could! We are so thankful for the hope we have in Him, and we choose to trust in His goodness and His grace. Please join us in praising Him with great expectations! 

Corner Time...

I've been a bit quiet this summer on my blog, but not for lack of things to talk about, but more for lack of  adequate words to express what our family has gone through.  July 2015 was a month filled with lots of heartache and transitions for our family. We've cried and prayed and grieved more than almost any other time in our lives. However, we have also chosen to trust in our Heavenly Father, knowing He's seen every tear that has fallen, heard every prayer that has been uttered, and held us with His perfect strength as we've walked a very difficult road.  I've seen my husband (my music minister) and my dear friends (my pastor and his family) be treated in a way that none has deserved, but I've also witnessed them rise up to show the integrity they have. Their love for the Lord and their desire to please Him has been evident in not only their actions but also in their reactions. August 2nd was both of our families' last day serving at our church, and we now embark upon a new journey of transitioning to what God has for our families next. It is scary, it is sad, and it is stressful, but it is also an opportunity to trust our God in a new way as we eagerly anticipate what He has in store for us.

In an effort to get some much-needed rest and relaxation and time to regroup, our pastor's family decided to take a beach vacation a few weeks ago, and they graciously invited us along with them. What an amazing week it was! The house they rented was right on the beach, so we literally would walk out the front door to this amazing view:

 
The skies were blue and sunny, the wind was cool and breezy, and the company was healing to our weary souls. Traveling with small children can often be anything but relaxing, and we certainly experienced some "moments" with exhausted and over-stimulated kiddos, but for the most part, the week was so very refreshing, which is exactly what we were all hoping for.
 And while getting to sit on a quiet deck with the waves crashing in front of me and the fresh air blowing in my face proved to be an amazing spot for my morning quiet time, and taking morning jogs along the beautiful shoreline was an incredible time of worship, I think it's what God taught me through my children that week that has stuck out to me the most...

If you're a parent of small children, I'm sure you're very familiar with time-outs. Dealing with two 7 year olds, one 4 year old, one 3 year old, and one 15 month old this week,
 time-outs have been a regular part of our vacation agenda!  But what is the purpose of a time out? We most often use them as opportunities for our kids to reflect on the decisions that they've made, to take a deep breath and get a grasp on the reality of the situation we're dealing with, and to realize how they can choose to respond differently in the future.  
Typically, a "time-out" is a form of punishment, but I realized this past week that time-outs can also be a form of healing. Our beach vacation was exactly that: a time out. A break from our usual routine, a time of separation from our "world" to be able to reflect on the past and properly assess the future, and the ability to just step away and breathe without all of the daily "noise" we so often deal with.
Let me tell you, friends, that when your soul is weary and your emotions are raw, there is something powerful about taking a time-out! Instead of sticking my head in a corner, I pushed myself out the front door to gorgeous runs on the beach,

 and instead of sulking at the table, I found myself soaking in the refreshing sea air,

and instead of feeling beaten down by the cruel actions of others, I felt the powerful waves crash against me and carry me safely to the shore.

 No, we can't run away from reality, but sometimes, we can keep it at a standstill for a little while.  The hurt was still there when we came home, the consequences from the actions of others was still found, and the uncertainty of our future continued to await us, but for a few days, we were able to gain some perspective that only distance could grant...a time to reflect, a time to heal, a time to "selah" (pause and reflect) as the psalmist so often wrote.  Sometimes, you just need to get away. Sometimes, you just need a time-out, and I'm so thankful for one with dear brothers and sisters in Christ, traveling on this same journey through the unknown "corners" of this life...