Fifteen Months...

Fifteen months of the sweetest snuggles...the softest skin...the most life-changing smile...

Fifteen months of the most wonderful late night wake up calls...the most heart-wrenching cries for help...the most assertive ways of telling me he does or does not want his milk...

Fifteen months of sweeping my hand through the softest and most gorgeous dark hair and playing with the cutest ear lobes I've ever seen:)

Fifteen months of picking you up as you reach out for me and hold on tightly, not wanting me to let you go...

Fifteen months of rocking you at bedtime and patting your back as you fall to sleep in your crib...

Fifteen months of saying, "You are so very loved and so very wanted by so very many..."

Fifteen months of changing the diaper of the squirmiest boy I've ever known who is ever ready to experience life...

Fifteen months of watching you soak in every moment of life through those gorgeous dark eyes...

Fifteen months of watching your face light up when your daddy enters the room, and seeing the way only Sissy can make you smile...

Fifteen months of watching you learn and develop and grow...

Fifteen months of learning of every beautiful feature of this incredible baby boy...

Fifteen months of joy, tears, and incredible beauty...

Fifteen months made up of so many tiny moments--some difficult and challenging, but all of them precious and not taken for granted, because these fifteen months are not something I deserved; they were a gift given to me.  Because for fifteen months, I have had the privilege of being called "mommy," because fifteen months ago his mommy chose to give me that title.  I have experienced these 15 months because she has not. 

So as my precious son turns 15 months old tomorrow, I am filled with so many emotions, but at the top of them all is the most intense gratitude.  My life is forever changed because of hers...it's a sacrifice so great and so beyond my comprehension, and one I will never ever forget or ever cease to tell my precious boy of. 

And as I think of the sacrifice Gabriel's precious birthmother made, I can't help but think of the amazing sacrifice my Heavenly Daddy made for me.  He chose me to be His daughter.  It was not a title I could earn or that I remotely deserved, but yet it is one He so freely gave to me, even though at such an expense for Him.

So today I'm just feeling so thankful---thankful that I get to be the Daughter of my King, and that I get to be the mommy of my son...both undeserved titles that I cherish and am forever grateful for...

Faith of a Mustard Seed...

Have you noticed in the Bible how Jesus is always so eager to let the children come to him?  Unfortunately, our society often views children as an annoyance, but in reality, children were meant to be a blessing.  I'm always amazed at the BIG truths I learn from my two little blessings, the latest being from my Lucy-bug...

Before we adopted Gabriel, Lucy would pray daily for her baby brother AND sister.  She was convinced we would be adopting twins. So when we adopted Gabriel, she was so excited about having a brother, but she said, "I prayed for a sister, too tho, momma, so you're going to have a baby!"  I smiled at her confidence and said, "well, I don't know if that's possible honey, but you can pray and ask God for that.  He doesn't always answer our prayers exactly the way that we want Him to, but He always answers in the very best way." So, for over a year, Lucy has been praying for her baby sister.  She's even gone as far as TELLING people that I have a baby in my belly!  I've had to have a few conversations with her about this.  (Those of you who have struggled with infertility can understand how difficult it is to have people coming up to you congratulating you on a pregnancy that you don't have.) I tried to explain to her that mommy might not ever be able to have a baby in my belly, but she refused to believe it.  She would just say, "Momma, I KNOW you're going to have a baby in your belly," and I would just smile at her determination, but even more at her faith...  

When you've struggled for so long for something, it's easy to lose that faith.  I will admit that while being able to get pregnant is something that hasn't left my prayer journal pages for years, I had gotten to the point where I wasn't praying for it with very great expectation.  I think a part of that was a way of trying to protect myself from disappointment, but at the same time, I think the Lord had blessed me with a peace in His ultimate plan.  After going through the adoption process and seeing God's hand all over bringing Gabriel into our family, I was so comforted by the beauty of His perfect plan.  I know without a doubt that Gabriel is the baby we had longed to parent and had cried for and prayed for for so very long.  No biological child could ever have filled that void in our mommy and daddy and big sister hearts.  So I believe in this last year God has taught me a lot about trusting His very perfect plan.  That doesn't mean His plan is always easy for us, but I can say with full confidence that it is always best. So, my prayers began to shift, asking the Lord to give us the desire for what HIS plan is for our family...and on August 15, He showed us just what that was...

I'm pregnant!

We are in SHOCK, and we are so overwhelmed by God's kindness to allow us to expand our family.  When we told Lucy, she kept saying, "I just can't believe that God answered my prayer!"  I am so excited to see her faith grow and to see our family grow.  Gabriel will get to experience the joy of being a big brother, and DH and I will get to learn the balance of being outnumbered:-)

What's so cool about the whole thing is to see God's fingerprints covering all of the details.  Just one example: We have not had maternity coverage since we were pregnant with Lucy, and DH's new insurance just went into effect right before we got pregnant--which includes maternity coverage.

When we first learned of this pregnancy, our baby was the size of a mustard seed, and I cannot think of a more fitting analogy to make other than that.  In Matthew 17:20, we read this:

"Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

Lucy has truly had faith the size of a mustard seed.  When she found out about this little one she exclaimed, "MOM!  This is Gabriel's TWIN that I prayed for!"  I just love that sweet little girl:) and I won't be at all surprised if our "baby mustard seed" turns out to be a girl.  After all, there's nothing quite as powerful as the faith of a small child...

Twas the Week Before Kindergarten...

We have had a week full of savoring every last bit of summer vacation.  I've actually been mourning the loss of summer.  I guess it's because we spent the first half of our summer preparing for a move, and the second half adjusting to said move.  So, once we finally started getting in a routine, it felt like summer should just be beginning, when in reality, it was time for it to end:(  We lived this last week up to the fullest though by enjoying some lazy and some crazy mornings, special outings, and fun times with friends.  It was definitely a great way to say goodbye to the summer and hello to the school year!

On MONDAY...

A morning at the park

We took Daddy to work and then headed to our neighborhood park with some friends.  (I guess it's not technically OUR neighborhood's park, but it's right across the street from us.)  It's an awesome park with a GREAT playground that's covered and full of lots of fun stuff.  Lucy enjoyed playing with Nathan and Noah, and Gabriel enjoyed munching on his cheerios, trying out the slide, and playing in the playground flooring stuff.  (Like my technical names for things?;-) 

Family Movie Night

We closed out both Monday and Tuesday evenings with a Family Movie Night Picnic.  It was DH's idea, and the kids loved it!  We sat out a big quilt in the living room floor and ate dinner together while we watched a movie, snuggled, and just enjoyed laughing and talking with one another.  On Monday we watched Disney's Robin Hood, and on Tuesday we watched Disney's The Sword in the Stone.

TUESDAY...
Tuesday was a lot of fun.  We had a nice, lazy morning followed by some fun at the mall with Gi-Gi.  Our big treat for that day was a trip to Build a Bear Workshop.  The kids both brought their own money and had a great time building their own stuffies.  Lucy absolutely LOVES all things My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, so she was so excited to get to build her own Twilight Sparkle pony.  And while I know Gabriel is a bit young to really understand the whole build-a-bear experience, I've never seen a little boy love puppy dogs so much, so he was ALL smiles about his new puppy dog!  It was a bit of a crazy experience though because the FIRE ALARM got set off towards the end of our trip, so we had to leave their "buildings" in the store and exit until the mall had been given the all-clear.  I guess it was good practice to have before the school year starts as I'm sure she'll be experiencing plenty of practice fire drills.  (Oddly enough, I don't remember fire drills so much from when I was in elementary school--I lived in California at that time, so we had lots of practice Earthquake drills instead...)

Only Tuesday...and already tired!

Hawaiian Falls fun!

WEDNESDAY...
You can see that Lucy was EXHAUSTED after Tuesday's festivities...  And on Wednesday, that exhaustion definitely got passed on to Momma.  We originally had plans for Wednesday morning, but after several nights with little sleep and several jam-packed days, I just couldn't get around as planned.  So, we enjoyed another lazy morning at home before heading to the water park for the afternoon with friends. 

We are so blessed to be so close to a Christian-owned waterpark.  It's not so big that it's overwhelming for little kids, yet there is PLENTY there for everyone in the family to enjoy.  Gabriel loves floating along in the lazy river and the calm side of the wave pool, and Lucy could spend all day in the kids' area going down the different slides and getting water dumped on her by the big bucket.  By the time we got home, I had two very wiped out kiddos on my hands, and one AWFUL headache for myself, along with the start of a summer cold or something of the sort.  That being said, we decided to stay put for the evening.  Even an evening at home can be fun though...

Before bedtime, we went out on the driveway and played for a bit.  Lucy rode her bike, Gabriel rode in the wagon and played with some toys, and Lucy ended our Wednesday with a skating performance:)  I love all of the many faces of my Lucy--her silly faces, her joyful exclamations, her goofy poses, and her SMILE...that girls always knows how to make her momma smile, even when her momma isn't feeling so great.

THURSDAY...
Thursday was a non-stop day filled with friends, family, and the FUTURE...

excited to meet her science teacher

checking out the computer center

Lucy and her Kindergarten teacher

I had coffee with a sweet friends that morning while the kids played, and then DH's cousin dropped in for a visit.  We had lunch together and then Lucy and I got trims.  (As always, our hair thanks you, Cortne!:)  And then it was time for a trip into what the future holds for my bugaboo, which meant a trip to Lucy's new school for "Meet the Teacher" night!  Lucy has had a VERY difficult time adjusting to our move.  Everyone has been SO very sweet and welcoming to her here, and she's made some wonderful new friends, but Lucy has just had a really hard time understanding why we had to move and why she can't live in the only home and town she remembers.  Add to that a new school, and she is quite confused as to why everything had to change so suddenly.  Meet the Teacher night definitely was a good thing for her though--she really enjoyed meeting her teacher, seeing her classroom (her favorite center was the computer center of course!  She is definitely her daddy's daughter!) and she was especially excited about hearing that she will get to take SCIENCE.  (That definitely doesn't make her her momma's girl! LOL)  The next morning she announced that, "Since I've had some time to think about it now, I think I'm going to like my new school and I want to go there...even if Ellie won't be in class with me."  (Poor baby girl is missing her Hamlin friends SO very much.)  I think having had an introduction to her school on Thursday will make her first official day there on Monday SO much easier and exciting for her.

FRIDAY...SATURDAY...and SUNDAY!
To close out our "summer o' fun" week, we had a SLEEPOVER with our very dear friends.  DH and Jason enjoyed some "guy gaming time" in the evenings as well as completing some handy-man projects around the house during the day (thank y'all...even for the extra hole in the wall;-); the older girls spent their time as usual fighting like sisters but laughing and hugging and making up as always; the babies stayed pretty close to their mommas but did try to hold hands during the play we went to on Friday night:); and the mommas got to start a fun knitting project!  We met up at the waterpark on Friday morning, attempted naps in the afternoon, and then headed to the church for a production of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe.  The girls really enjoyed the play and talked about it all the next day and were excited to see the "Snow Queen" singing with the choir at church this morning. 

(Side note: That book is actually one of the reasons I love the name Lucy so much, and my own Lucy reminds me so much of that character.)

We closed our last moments of summer out with some bedtime stories, the last of which was "Petunia the Silly Goose."  This was a favorite of mine when I was a child, so I was so excited that Lucy specifically requested I read her "the duck book that you like, Mommy."  It's a PERFECT book to read the night before school begins, too.  Towards the end, Petunia makes this discovery:
 
"It was not enough to carry wisdom under my wing.  I must put it in my mind and in my heart.  And to do that I must learn to read."

I told Lucy how excited I am that SHE is going to have the opportunity to continue learning how to read and to find ways to put the wisdom she is given to good use.  My prayer is that she will not just put earthly wisdom to use, but she will put to use the heavenly wisdom that is taught to her and she will gain more of an eternal perspective as she grows both mentally and physically this school year.  It's so hard for me to
believe my 8 pound 1 ounce baby girl is FIVE and heading off to SCHOOL!  Just as her name means, my prayer for her is that she will be a "bringer of light" everywhere that she goes, and I pray her education will help her see how God's light is truly involved in every aspect of life and learning if she will look for it...

Twas the night before kindergarten

and all through our home

Not a creature was stirring

not even the geckos.

The uniforms were hung by the closet with care

 With the anticipation of what Lucy would wear.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds

While visions of Kindergarten danced in their heads

and momma on her blog, and Daddy on his app

Were about to settle in for an end of summer nap

Sleep didn't come easy as anticipation was high

At the thought of how their baby could possibly be five

It happened so quick--in the blink of an eye

It caught us off guard and made it hard not to cry

But as we took a deep breath and choked back the tears

we thanked God for His plan for our daughter's school years.

The excitement was felt by one and all

at what God had in store for this new semester called fall.

So as we anticipate tomorrow's journey to school

of backpacks, and PE and learning the rules

We will hold to the truth that our God holds her hands

Through the easy, the tough, the fun and the sad

She's not really ours in the first place, you know

so off to kindergarten we will let her go...

But you will hear us exclaim, as we drive out of sight

We love you Lucy Shea, bringer of light!

Happy happy happy...

Uncle Si...or Michael?

No, this title is not referring to the return of Duck Dynasty  (Although isn't this a GREAT pic of DH?:)

It's about Gabriel's first word!!

at lunch with friends

About 3 weeks ago, he started saying "aw-BEE, aw-BEE..." over and over again, and we just could not figure out what he was saying.  I was at lunch with a friend about a week after that, and he was smiling and laughing at the table, and my friend says, "are you a happy boy?" And Gabriel responds with "aw-BEE!" I kind of stopped for a moment and looked at him and said, "happy?" And he responded again with, "aw-BEE!"  Of course, he has said the typical momma and dadda, and I'm pretty sure he's said some form of "Annabelle" (our beagle's name) as well. But, as far as his first regular word, happy it is!

I can't help but smile every time I hear him say it...but it's not just from the obvious joy he displays every time he says those two syllables.  As a mom, you want your kids to be happy, but as an adoptive mom, I think sometimes we worry more about that for different reasons.  So I just think it's such a precious little gift that Gabriel's first word is him proclaiming how happy (or, rather, "aw-BEE!") that he is.  My prayer for him is that he would grow to understand that true happiness is not based on circumstances, but based on the LORD, and that He will grow to know the JOY of the Lord.  Now that's something that would make this momma VERY "happy happy happy!"

Stopping to smell the roses...

I read a blogpost recently about how prone we are to hurry through life.  I may be one of the world's worst at this-I feel like I am constantly moving from one thing on to the next...or more like I am rushing from one thing to the next.  It's hard for me to stay in the moment because I feel like I always need to anticipate (in my mind, prepare for) what's coming up next.  My daughter, on the other hand, likes to stop and smell the roses.  For a hurry-up person like myself, dawdling drives me CRAZY!  Many times a day you would hear me say to Lucy, "c'mon Lucy, hurry up...we're gonna be late."  And, as much as I hate to admit it, I would say this in a frustrated tone.  Now, that's not to say that Lucy doesn't need to learn to be obedient when she's asked to do things-she has a tendency to choose not to obey immediately, and delayed obedience is the same as disobedience.  However, there are other times when she is just caught up in the moment and soaking up everything that's around her.  She's wanting to stop and smell the roses, and I'm covering them in the dust from trying to run past them.  I guess I had always felt like I was doing the right thing by hurrying everyone along--we need to get things done and be places on time, right?  But after I read that article, I was literally almost in tears and felt so convicted.  I had been spending my days just trying to check things off of my list, and even if they're good things, they don't ever hold any meaning if you don't appreciate them, right?

Let me tell you, there are not many things that will humble you as quickly as apologizing to your child.  I told her how sorry I was for always trying to hurry her from one thing to the next and that I wanted to learn to enjoy life more like she does.  I asked her to work on being more obedient and told her that Momma would work on being more patient.

So yesterday, when we got to church, rather than my usual, "C'mon bug.  We need to go NOW; we're gonna be late..." I got the kids out of the car and just let her do her own thing.  Rather than me dragging her by the hand trying to rush her inside, I watched her twirl around the nursery parking sign, and I smiled.  Then I saw her leap over the parking block curb, and I slowed my walking pace down to enjoy watching her smile.  She said, "oh' I need to go pray in the garden!"  And instead of my usual response of, "Honey, we don't have time-we need to get inside!" I said, "ok, Lu-you go ahead" and I saw my baby girl run excitedly over to the prayer garden bench, bow her head, and say a prayer, and my heart filled with joy.  In just a matter of moments that I would normally rush through, I was able to stop and watch something beautiful unfold--a little girl soaking up as much of her surroundings as she could and loving every bit of it--from the easily looked-over signs, the often trampled over curb, to the beautiful and peaceful garden.  Each of those things I take for granted, but my daughter found something special, fun, and enjoyable in them all.  I couldn't help but stop for a moment and think, Wow.  What big lessons God teaches me through my little girl.  Oh how I want to love life like she does-to find contentment in the mundane, joy in the journey, and moments of reflection in the serene...and even the not-so-serene.  Lord, help me to be more like Lucy and learn to stop and smell the roses along the way...

Knowing You...

kisses for Daddy

I love watching how Gabriel's face lights up when he hears his daddy calling his name.  He gets this absolutely precious smile on his face and bounces up and down in excitement.  He knows his daddy's voice, and he loves to hear it!  

Knott's Berry Farm with Daddy (and Snoopy:)

My dad had a very distinctive voice, too.  Just a few weeks ago marked 6 years ago that he passed away.  I asked that people share their memories of him, and the responses brought such a big smile to my face and comfort to my heart.   One of my best friends wrote about how she would never forget how he would drawl out his Texas accent at the McDonald's drive-thru window when we lived in California.  My cousin commented on how no one could "sing" the school fight song like he could.  Several people commented on his one-of-a-kind laugh, and another friend recalled things he would say as he pestered the tellers at the bank.  Many memories were shared, but they all held something in common--my daddy had a distinctive voice that, once you heard, you just knew it belonged to him.

Daddy and me, senior recital 2000

Today would have been my daddy's 64th birthday.  We didn't get to take him out to lunch for his special day, but I certainly was thinking of him throughout the entire day, and as we had lunch with my brother and his family after church this morning, I couldn't help but wonder, just for a moment, what it would be like to have Daddy there with us to celebrate his special day and to hear all of the kids' sweet little voices sing happy birthday to their pappy.  It breaks my heart that they never got to hear his signature chuckle or listen to one of his stories or jokes... they never got to know him...not at least in the way I had always envisioned my children knowing my daddy.

Lucy = "Bringer of LIGHT"

At dinner this evening, someone asked us why we chose the name that we did for Lucy.  There are a few reasons for this, but one of them is that my dad really loved that name, and on one of our last phone conversations, I remember him saying, "Well, whatever you name her, I'm going to call her Lucy."  So, when he passed away before her birth, we decided our baby girl's name was definitely going to be Lucy, because I wanted her to have the name that her pappy knew her by.

But as much as I grieve over my kids not knowing my daddy, I grieve even more over the thought of if he didn't know Jesus.  I know that in Heaven, we are going to be completely focused on worshipping our Saviour, but in my human eyes, it's very hard for me to imagine Heaven without those I love most dearly here on this Earth.  And as a follower of Jesus--a KNOW-er of Jesus--it is my desire that others will come to know him, too.  One of my all time favorite worship songs is entitled "Knowing You," and when I found out I was getting to play the piano at church this morning, a specific arrangement of that song from an offertory book came to my mind.  As our guest preacher gave his sermon this morning, I knew it was no accident that the Lord had brought that song to the forefront of my mind.  The sermon today was from Matthew 7, and verses 21-23 say this: 

²¹ “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. ²² Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ ²³ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

There truly is no greater thing in all of this world than to know Jesus, and what a privilege that our Creator not only allows us to know Him so deeply, but He longs for us to know Him!  As much as I long for my kids to have known my Daddy, I long even more for my children to know my Heavenly Daddy; "Oh to know the power of the risen Lord" as the song says.  I know it is ultimately their deicision, but I am committed to guiding them in the ways of the Lord, and I know the most influential way I can do that is by example.  So tonight my prayer is that I will fall more and more in love with my Jesus--to know Him more, so that I can make even Him more known.  I treasure the relationship I was blessed with in my earthly father, but nothing can compare to the relationship that has been ofered to me with my Heavenly Father.  Truly, there is no greater thing...

Freedom...

So much has happened this past month--Lucy's dance recital, Father's Day, my birthday, Gabriel's birthday, buying our first home, MOVING...I have so much I have wanted to share, but just haven't really been able to pen my thoughts amidst everything going on.  So, stay tuned for some updates (including ADORABLE photos of GP smashing into his first chooclate cupcake at his party!)  For now though, I'll just start with the present...
............

I'm sitting here typing with red and blue painted nails and sporting my Old Navy flag tee (which is actually from 2011, but oh well;-) and listening to random fireworks going off somewhere nearby our new neighborhood.  As I checked FB throughout the day, I found my newsfeed full of updates regarding the 4th of July, many of them including a note of gratitude for the freedom so many have fought for us to have. And while the majority of my FB friends were posting of various family gatherings and fireworks shows, I was posting of updates of our unpacking process in our new home.  Oddly enough, when I opened up my journal today, it fell upon an entry I penned a few weeks back that had to do with both of those topics: freedom, and packing...

I have always been SO bad about over-packing. 

What if THIS happens, and I need THAT...

I want to be prepared for every situation that could possibly be thrown my way.  I want to feel in control.  Instead, most of the time I just end up feeling annoyed though--annoyed by the mound of stuff I'm having to lug around and dig through.  My baggage weighs me down, slows me down, and it can even bring me down.  (I'll never forget a trip we made to Chicago with the staff and wives at a church we served in.  We were all headed up or down on the escalator, and Steve and his bags  couldn't keep up, so instead, they went down, and they took Steve with them!)

It's safe to say I've experienced some overpacking in my personal life, too.  You try to take control of every little detail, but many times, depsite all of the preparation, the unexpected and unwanted still happens.  So what do you do when you've done everything in your power to control, only to discover that you still really aren't  in control?

You surrender.

Our old home--all packed up...

You remove all of your "weapons" and the things you've been lugging around "just in case," and you let someone else take control.  Someone who was already in control in the first place, whether you admitted to it or not.  And then beautiful things happen...  The arms that were loaded down with baggage are now free to embrace what's in front of them.  The feet that were moving so slowly trying to carry all of that stuff around are now able to run and dance.  The mind that was so busied and cluttered with thoughts of all of the what-ifs is now clear to focus on something, Someone, else.

We so often think of surrender as a form of imprisonment, but it's really the exact opposite--it's freedom.

One of my favorite definitions of surrender is this: To accept defeat.

And I think that's why we don't like it--because it makes us feel weak.  But in reality, that's exactly what we are.  I mean, after carrying around all of that stuff, aren't we tired?  Our pride tells us, Don't give up; you can do it!  But we only grow weaker as we continually realize that we can't do it...and thank the Lord, we don't have to!  In reality, defeat isn't weakness at all; it's recognizing strength in Christ.  It's FREEDOM!  And what's so amazing and unique to admitting our defeat and surrendering to Jesus is that we are able to open up the floodgates of freedom to our souls.

John 8:36 says this:
If the Son has set you free, you will be free indeed.

The only way we can ever be free from our bondage is by laying it down.  Surrender to Jesus is where freedom is truly found, and for an over-packer like me, oh how thankful I am of that freedom!

(Well, OK, and maybe I will hang on to some lightweight Vera Bradley luggage for fashion's sake ;-)