Children are a BLESSING...

Today is March 26th, 2014.  On this day, 21 months ago, I was a ball of emotions as we headed to the hospital for Gabriel's birth.  I will never forget the moment he was born, and Gabriel's birthmom's sister sent me a text from the OR with his picture...my very first glimpse of this precious baby boy:

...and then the moment when his birthmom was wheeled back into the hospital room with a huge smile on her face, holding him close, but quickly looking at me and saying, "Congratulations" as she handed him over to me.  There was so much love in that room for this little boy, and there was so much strength in that room.  The strength in that room had absolutely nothing to do with Michael or me though; it was all displayed in Rachel's big, beautiful, and inviting smile...the same smile she had greeted us with just three weeks before then when we met her.  I will never forget the moment I got to meet my son for the first time as I looked into his precious rolly face, as I touched his beautiful, soft skin, and as I cried tears of pride and joy...and probably some filled with a bit of sadness, knowing that me getting to hold him and me possibly getting to take him home meant that Rachel would not.  I will never take for granted the sacrifice of love she made for her son that in turn gave me the opportunity to be Gabriel's mommy.

But what is so significant about 21 months that causes me to take this trip down memory lane?  Well, I realized today that it is during this 21st month of Gabriel's life that he will go from being the baby of our family, to being the big brother of our family.  I haven't blogged a whole lot about this, because it's actually been a hard topic for me.  But I've always been pretty transparent on this blog, so I want to be real with you today...  I've struggled so much with feeling guilty over this next step in our family's life...Guilty that Gabriel will not be the only baby in the family (he will ALWAYS be my baby boy--nothing could change that!:), and worried that maybe his birthmom would regret placing him with us now...and then I see Lucy and Gabriel together, and my heart melts.

I see this incredible bond they share as brother and sister.  I see this intense love and pride and admiration they have for one another.  You see, when Rachel placed Gabriel in my arms this day 21 months ago, she was not just allowing me the opportunity to be a mommy again, but she was also allowing Lucy the privilege of being a big sister, and this is a role that my daughter has truly thrived in.  Does she get frustrated when he tears down a project she's working on or messes with a game she's playing with?  Yes.  But does she love him and play with him and giggle with him and help him and tell everyone she knows special stories about him?  YES!  I know not all siblings share an extremely close bond, but there is just something about those two that just makes me sit back and say WOW...Not only do I know with all my heart that Gabriel was meant to be my son--he was the child I prayed and longed for for longer than anyone but DH and I really know--but I also know with all my heart that Gabriel was meant to
be Lucy's baby brother, and when I remember that, I know that Gabriel was also meant to be Baby Mustard Seed's BIG brother, too. No other baby boy will be able to fill that roll in this baby girl's life quite like Gabriel will be capable of.  No other little boy will be able to look over her and protect her and play with her and love her like her big brother Gabriel will be able to.  No other baby boy in the world could ever have filled this important role in our family that Gabriel does, because God has ordered his steps, and He has ordered the steps of our family...

The Lord knew we needed a miracle to have a family, so He gave us one in the form of Lucy, and through her, He brought "light" back into our family during such a dark time.

The Lord knew He would need to move mountains for us to have a son, so He placed Rachel in our lives who displayed such strength as she placed Gabriel in our arms and reminded us that Yes, God can move mountains and "HE is our might."

 

And then The Lord knew that only He could answer the faithful prayers of a little girl who wanted to see her family expand even more, so He surprised all of us (well, no surprise to Lucy, actually!) with this Baby Mustard Seed, who is a reminder to us of the power of prayer, and the favor and grace God so desires to place upon His children.

What I'm getting at, is that the LORD knew what our family needed.  We knew what we wanted, but HE knew what we really needed and when we really needed it.  So, as I anxiously await the birth of our daughter, as I worry about what being the momma to three will look like and how everyone will adjust, I'm reminded that while God cares deeply for all of these emotions flooding my mind, He also knows exactly what our family needs, and he has NEVER failed to provide for that or prepare us for that.  Why would I doubt Him?  So, today, I choose to trust Him--trust Him that my Lucy-bug will continue to thrive as the oldest child, and that she won't lose sight of her important role in this family; trust Him with Gabriel's transition, and that he won't lose sight of his amazing and special role in this family; trust Him with Rachel, and that she won't lose sight of our great love for her and the son she has blessed us with.  I trust Him...and oh, how I thank Him!  

I am so humbled by how lavishly The Lord has poured His blessings upon our family.  All of those years with empty arms and a broken heart have now found me with not just a baby in my arms, but a child in both arms and one filling my lap.  Yes, children are a blessing, and I am truly so very, very, VERY blessed!

A "Beary" Special Weekend...

We spent a LOT of time in prayer over where to send Lucy to school this school year.  I was homeschooled for most of my schooling, and I had always planned on homeschooling our children, but we just didn't have a peace that was what would be best for Lucy given her personality and how she seems to thrive in a group setting.  The home that we purchased when we moved this summer has an excellent elementary school, but our church also has a Christian school afiliated with it, and as we prayed about where to send Lucy, we really felt led to send her there.  And every day when I send her off to school and get her back home, the Lord affirms that calling.  I have such a peace each day when she heads out the door, and such a joy each afternoon when I check her folder.  I know without a doubt that God hand-picked her teacher for her this year,  As we sat on the couch tonight and Lucy READ one of her library books to me, I coulnd't help but smile and be so thankful at how she is learning.  This isn't to say she wouldn't have learned anything in a public school setting or that she wouldn't have thrived being home, BUT, I just have such an assurance and peace that where she currently is at is exactly where she needs to be, and I am so thankful she has the opportunity to be there. 

There are many things her teacher does to make each student feel special (each child gets to be the "star student of the week" and work on a special posterboard to share with the class; on their birthdays they get to pick a book as a gift from their teacher and they go around the room and each child shares what they think is special about the birthday boy or girl) one of them being getting to take "Beary" home for the weekend.  This was Lucy's weekend to bring Beary home, and boy, did I have an excited six year old on my hands when she came home!  Beary arrived in a totebag that says "I AM BEARY SPECIAL" that houses a cute little girl bear (there's a boy bear for the boys I think:)

and a notebook with photos of all of beary's past weekend adventures with other students.

Lucy studied the notebook intently several times throughout the weekend to see exactly how she wanted to present her special weekend with Beary

Here are the close-ups of the photos we took with Beary this past weekend and the wording Lucy used to explain their adeventures:

"Me and Beary got in the car after I got my haircut."

"Beary helped us put together the baby bed and decorate my room for my baby sissy to come."

"Beary helped me nail one of my pictures to the wall."  (Notice the hammer in Beary's paw;-)  Also, this particular painting is made up of Lucy's thumb prints.  The lady who decoated Gabiel's nursery worked on this project with Lucy a few summers ago.)

"Beary was at the baby shower" (more on that in an upcoming post, but isn't this diaper cake adorable?! My sister-in-law made it!)

"and met a new bear friend there."  (A very sweet friend MADE this bear for baby mustard seed!)

"Me and my Daddy played skylanders with Beary.  I had fun with Beary.  She was the best bear friend I could ever have!"  (Lucy's very favorite thing to do right now is play skylnders with her Daddy!  When we were at Target a few weeks ago, there was a display of alarm clocks--lots of pink ones, princess ones, and hello kitty ones.  But which one did my girly daughter ask for?  The SKYLANDERS one! LOL It's totally not my thing at all, but I love that it's something her and her Daddy share together, and I love that she has a Daddy who spends time doing fun things with her.)

So, Beary's weekend was full of adventures with Lucy.  Unfortunately, Beary didn't get to head back to school on Monday to share those adventures with Lucy's classmates because Lucy got sick with a tummy bug:(  BUT, Beary and Lucy are all better now and will head back to Kindergarten on Wednesday, and this Momma will have a smile on her face as she sends them both off to a place filled with learning and lots of love--not just from the teachers, but also from our Heavenly Father displayed through the love shown through these precious teachers pouring their lives into the students. 

Still talking teethers...

I posted about a month ago how Lucy was working on getting a tooth to come out while Gabriel was trying to get some teeth to come in.

 Well, it took exactly five weeks of wiggling, but Lucy finally lost her first tooth this past Sunday!  It ended up being a pretty traumatic experience for her--she was so concerned with it hurting and bleeding and making her look funny (it breaks my heart that my SIX year old would worry about "looking funny" from her tooth being "different...), and it was definitely a roller coaster of emotions from excitement of having a loose tooth to terror at losing her first tooth to triumphal bliss at having a hole in her mouth:) 

NOTE: It happened to be 80's night at AWANAs on Sunday evening, if you're at all curious why she's dressed in neon rainbow brite attire;-)

  Daddy may or may not have had to help that pesky tooth along

 Either way, it's out now, and Lucy can't stop grinning without showing it off. 

Gabriel has had some ups and downs with his teething experience as well.  One of his top eye teeth finally poked through, but the other one is still being pretty stubborn.  It seems his fingers and sissy are taking the brunt of it as he is constantly gnawing on his sweet little hands or trying to bite at his sissy.

 She's usually pretty patient with him about it for the most part, and I'm trying to redirect his biting towards other things.  And, despite the fact that I know he must be hurting, he still manages to keep that sweet smile on his face. 

So while Gabriel and Lucy work on their teethers, this momma has been gritting hers all week at the growing intensity of contractions.  I've still got a few months to go, so I know they'll only increase from here on out.  Baby mustard seed is quite the mover and shaker, so she's definitely staying busy in there--maybe cheering sissy and brother on with their teething??;-) 

Baby Elephant...

Monday was President's Day, and Lucy had the day off from school. DH was able to switch his day off, so we had a fun family day at the zoo. The weather was absolutely GORGEOUS on Monday! We seriously could not have asked for better zoo weather! (Being close to 8 months pregnant and walking all around the zoo wasn't exactly the most amazing feeling though, so I was glad to at least have the weather on my side;-) 

We got to see the monkeys first, and they were being so playful!  Gabriel's face lit up at the sight of them, and Lucy and I enjoyed pointing out the cute little baby monkey. My brother, who we refer to as "Unkey Monkey" used to bring Lucy a new stuffed monkey every time he saw her, so monkeys have always been a thing for Lucy. My favorites were the arangatangs though.  The male kept trying to kiss the female, and it crakced me up!  (DH said it was because she had food in her mouth, but I think he just wanted kisses;-)  I joked that if DH and I were arangatangs, those were the ones we would be, since I'm always asking him to "give me kisses":) 

We also got to see the new baby elephant that the zoo recently welcomed, and I was especailly excited for that one.  If you've been around me much with Gabriel, you may have heard me refer to him as my "baby elephant."  This is because he likes to grab tightly onto my pointer finger and walk behind me, and it always makes me think of a baby elephant walking behind his momma.  So I went online and looked at why a baby elephant does this, and I learned a few facts (which I'm sure are completely accurate because they were on google;-)  One of the things I read that stuck out to me was this: 

"Another beautiful image of free African elephants is the baby's first use of his own trunk, to reach up and hold the tail of his mother so he can follow in her footsteps..."  

 

Every time Gabriel asks to take hold of my hand, I feel this sese of pride and responsibility as his mother.  I am so proud that he wants me to guide his steps, and I feel such a strong responsibility to lead him in a way that is worthy of the calling his birthmother placed on me to be his mother, and most importantly that is worthy of the calling The Lord has placed on my life to be his mother.  What an incredible blessing and honor to have been chosen to guide his precious little footsteps!  Even though now that mostly consists of simple acts, I know that he is also ever looking to me to see where my steps lead, and I so pray that my steps are leading him towards a desire to follow The Lord... 

As a little girl who loved to play with baby dolls, I always dreamed of having children, but I never could have possibly dreamed how much my children would fill my heart in a way only they are capable of doing.  The special conversations I have with my daughter just touch my heart, and the way Gabriel smiles at me and reaches for me just melts my heart.  As much as they fill a place in my heart only reserved for them, they make me feel like I, too, fill a void in their hearts that only I am capable of filling.  What joy they bring me-my sweet little bug-a-boo and my precious baby elephant:)

Homemade Valentines...

I'm going to go ahead and just admit it (since it is probably obvious to anyone who knows me): I'm a bit of a control freak. It's not that I got nuts if things don't go according to plan, but I still want to have a plan in place.  For example: I strategically choose my line at the grocery store based on a quick scan of all of the lines, how quickly they seem to be moving, how many and what type of each items are in each person's basket, etc...I typically end up in the line that will have some random weird issue tho, so my "plan" of moving through the line quickly goes out the window. It doesn't necessarily bother me that it didn't go as planned though.  The point is that I can't just walk up to a line without analyzing it and making some sort of plan.  This also means I'm obsessed with writing lists, but I'm okay if not everything gets done on said list. The issue though is that at some point in the early process of things, there's a plan of attack-MY plan-, which seems pretty logical to me...except it's not something that should be carried out into every aspect of life...  You would think the musician side-the artsy side, if you will-would be a little more free spirited, but quite possibly THE most difficult area for me to let go of my controlling tendencies is when it has to do with anything artsy...especially children's art projects!  Lucy recently attended a birthday party, and I found myself trying to talk her into which piece of pottery "she" wanted to paint, and which colors "she" wanted to "choose" to paint it. I literally should have just walked away and let her do her own thing, but we know that wasn't going to happen, so instead, I just tried my best to keep my mouth SHUT, and her project, of course, turned out beautifully and showed her amazing creativity. (By the way, she chose a very sizable hello kitty face.)

So, now valentines day is approaching, and my planning, controlling self had pinned all sorts of fun ideas for valentines for "Lucy" to make...except Lucy didn't actually want to make those.  (She did fall in love with the princess valentines box, so we worked on that while watching the olympics pairs skating on Tuesday evening:)

 But as for all of the cute valentines candy card ideas I've been pinning the past several months, she had her own ideas, no pinterest needed.  She wanted to cut out her own hearts...all 18 of them.  So we sat down earlier this week and I supervised her safety-scissor usage...and I literally couldn't handle it!  I found myself saying "Don't you just want mommy to cut them out for you?" And then I quickly found myself losing patience over the project. (The planner in me analyzes the quickest way to complete a project so more things can get done.)  So we just had to walk away from it...and I realized how ridiculous I was being. Why on earth would I want to hinder my child's own creativity? But at the same time, Lucy wanted to cut out hearts for her classmates, and we were getting these mutated ovals instead that she wasn't happy with  (Have you ever tried to cut out hearts with safety-scissors?  Probably not, because you know better!)  So tonight, we sat down after mommy had a nice long breath, and I realized my 6 year old is quite capable of using a "normal" pair of scissors.  I also realized that while I didn't need to take over this project, I could still help her attain what she had envisioned. So, I traced 18 hearts that she cut out.  And instead of mommy trying to rush through the project, I sat there and let her go at her own pace.  And instead of mommy trying to take over the project, I sat there until she asked for my help.  (I did go ahead and tape all of the candy in place, but mostly because we were very limited on tape today since a certain 6 year old is obsessed with taping things...anyone else have to constantly switch which drawer they keep their scotch tape in to try and hide it??;-) And as I looked at the finished project, I smiled.  It was was so much fun to help my daughter accomplish HER plan, instead of trying to enforce one of my own. And while they aren't the next biggest pinterest idea to sweep the Valentine pin boards, they certainly are what this Mommy considers a work of art--because they are Lucy's art.

Does this mean I'm going to stop analyzing the checkout lanes at the grocery store? Um...doubtful! But it does mean I realize I don't need to be in charge and in control all of the time.

Okay...maybe even most of the time!;-)

And speaking of homemade Valentines, Lucy's classmates aren't the only ones who received a "Lucy one of a kind" this week.  In fact, both of my kiddos made me special Valentines this week.  Seriously, I had tears in my eyes when I saw my sweet boy's handprint:

 and my precious girl's handwritten note to me.

There really just isn't anything quite like a homemade valentine--it not only came straight from their hands, but also straight from their hearts:) 

The Green Glider...

I'm sitting here in the green glider rocking my precious baby boy.  This same glider rocked Lucy to sleep every single night until she was at least two, it has rocked Gabriel to sleep every night for the last 19 months, and it will soon rock another precious one every evening as well.  I can remember the day I came home from the hospital with Lucy, sitting in this glider in her nursery trying to figure out the whole nursing thing while listening to her CD player play a personalized cd on repeat (because those first several weeks, nursing sessions took a good hour many times!) So this glider has helped me as I have fed my babies, soothed my babies, and just snuggled my babies.  But this glider played an even more important role before all of that...a few months before Lucy was born, my momma made a trip up to Illinois to help us transform the spare room into Lucy's nursery.

  Shortly after that, DH and I found this green glider, and in the nursery it went.  And from that day on, until Lucy was born, I would go sit in her room, in this glider, before heading to work, and I would pray for my baby.  Little did I know almost seven years ago that I would be blessed with the amazing privilege of rocking more than just one little baby in this very seat...little did I know the many late night cries I would get to soothe while rocking away in this seat...little did I know how many prayers I would pray from this seat.

  It may just look like a simple green glider, but in it I have sat with my hopes and dreams before they ever came to be...In it I have sung lullabies and hymns to my babies...In it I have experienced the joys and pains of motherhood--sweet snuggles and snotty noses; precious laughter and tearful cries; lazy afternoons and exhausted late nights--and in it I have also experienced the honored feeling of daughter-hood as I have talked to my heavenly Daddy through those joys and pains He's allowed me to experience.  

 So, as I sit in this glider another evening rocking my son, my heart is full of so much thankfulness.  Who knew how much life you can experience, how many lessons you can learn...all while rocking away in a green glider?

<<<<<<UPDATE>>>>>>

I couldn't help but think of this post tonight as I sit here rocking my precious baby mustard seed in this green glider. And it seemed this post was incomplete without a picture of sweet Annie Beth in this chair just as there are photos of gabriel and Lucy in it. Sweet dreams baby girl...