It's SUMMER, and I can honestly say I have never been so excited about summer in all my life! The past two weeks I have rarely had to set an alarm and have enjoyed just being PRESENT with my kids. I am truly soaking up the moments I get with them because I have missed them SO much this school year. It's not that I didn't spend time with them, but my mind was constantly preoccupied with so many other things. It's really taken me a few weeks to full process all our family has been through this past school year, and y'all know I tend to process best through blogging...which I haven't done in a very long time. I think part of that is because I've felt I had to be really guarded just because of a lot of the things we've endured since moving here four years ago. I honestly feel like I've been able to breathe these past few weeks for the first time in four years...A lot of that is another story for another day. Today, I'll just focus on the most-recent happenings, which take us back to August...
I never aspired to have a career. I wanted to be a momma who taught from home. Truly, my greatest joys are being a wife and mom, and my family is my main ministry at this stage in our lives. So this whole year really threw me for a loop trying to transition into the role of full-time working mom. (And if you're a teacher or know a teacher well, you understand that this profession is really way more than a full time job.) This year was a reminder that God's ways are higher than our own, and even when we can't understand the why's we can choose to trust in the Who. So despite the stress, I'm filled with gratitude that the Lord provided for our family in such a way this past school year, and I still got to have two of my babies with me at my job. Michael and I also taught classes for CYT and I vocal directed two shows, so we had that time all together as a family.
In addition to working full time and part time, I was also basically in school full time trying to complete my certification program. Getting certified in Texas for music involves the following: completing 7 courses that are each worth the equivalent to a 3 hour college course. In those courses are research papers, essays, multiple assignments, book reports, quizzes, and tests. For some, maybe it’s not a big deal. For me, it meant coming home from work every night and working until I went to bed plus studying on the weekends. I averaged anywhere from 60-80 hour work weeks. Being able to not set an alarm most days the past few weeks has been UH-MAZING!
The certification program for music also requires two additional tests to be taken at a testing center: the music content exam and the PPR. These exams require additional courses to help prep for them, especially for the content exam. I found out in November I only had a few months to take and pass my music content exam, (I assumed it all happened after I finished the certification courses—WRONG!) so I began studying like crazy. The course I took to prep for that was equivalent to 35 professional development hours. BY THE GRACE OF GOD I met my testing deadline and passed.
Once the content exam is passed, you are eligible to sign up for your required internship that’s needed for the certification program. I assumed since I was already working in a school it would make sense to begin that ASAP…but what they fail to tell you up front is that once you apply for what is called your “statement of eligibility,” you only have 4 months to complete any remaining coursework for your certification program. My initial plan was to finish up my coursework over the summer, but suddenly I was in a MAJOR time crunch and had a deadline. In addition to that, they come and observe you 5 times with assignments involved before and after each of those visits. It also speeds up when you have to pay everything off for the certification course to meet up with when you finish your internship. The amount of stress I felt over the money and the time was pretty overwhelming.
Again, y’all, BY THE GRACE OF GOD, I didn’t just meet my coursework deadline of June 21, but I completed all coursework going into my last week of school (work) for the semester! It just hit me a few days ago how incredible that really was—it felt like a gift from the Lord saying, “Let’s keep all this separate so you can enjoy some time being a momma again this summer…” so while that deadline felt like a horrible stress, I actually believe God shielded me from knowing what I was stepping into so that I could get it out of the way. I still don’t know how it all got done…well, I do. It was literally all the Lord!
Now, that being said, it all came at a cost. I think I’ve cooked dinner maybe a handful of times since school began. I was SO EXCITED to make my family a huge meal for dinner on my first Monday of summer! It literally brought me so.much.joy to be back in the kitchen. And my house? I haven’t been able to stay on top of housework at all. And laundry? Oh my. My husband has truly stepped up and filled in those gaps, and I’m so thankful for his selfless attitude and amazing support all year. He’s been absolutely amazing, constantly looking for ways to take anything he could off my plate and encourage me along the way. But I can’t help but feel guilty for all of it. I want to be the one that does a lot of the things that have been pushed off on him, but that’s just not the season God has had us in.
I could go into a whole other story at this point, but here’s the bottom line: this job was all God’s doing and all apart of His provision for our family. And I see how His hand of provision began so much longer ago than just this year. He’s been preparing me my whole life to be able to take this job in giving me opportunities since I was a child to gain the skills necessary to do this job. I’m absolutely amazed when I look through the lens of hindsight and see countless circumstances throughout my life that God was using all along. I won’t go into all of that now, but it’s really beautiful to reflect on. It makes me realize more and more how God is ALWAYS at work in our lives, for our good and His glory. And I’m sure there are many ways I can’t even recognize, but I know they’re there.
There are several passages of Scripture that I have clung to during this past school year. One is the Prayer of Jabez in 1 Chronicles 4:10: “Oh that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory. That your hand would be with me and that you would keep my heart from evil.” This is a scripture I often find myself singing before any kind of audition or performance or big/nerve-wracking event. At the end of the verse, it reads, “and God granted his request.” And I can see how the Lord has done the same for me. He has truly “enlarged my territory” this year. I had 700+ students coming through my classroom door every single week. I had contact with family members of my students throughout the year and also the community through the various programs we did (I did 7 programs this school year!) I met other administration, faculty, and staff in the district throughout the year, too. The Lord truly broadened my circle. It was not something I was looking for, and it’s meant having to die to what my heart really wanted this last year. Don’t misunderstand me: I enjoy what I do. I am passionate about teaching! But being a wife and a mom has always been my dream. I love working alongside my hubby in ministry, and my involvement at our church has really suffered because of how much time my job and the schooling required. I love cooking and cleaning for my family, but there weren’t enough hours in the day for all of that when trying to meet deadlines for coursework and exams. And a part of me can’t help but grieve the thought of what it would have been like to have Dandelion or Sparrow here to be taking care of instead of all of this. Sometimes that grief hits me really hard, and while a part of me wants to be angry at this loss, I choose to stop myself and say, "but I trust You, Oh God. I trust YOUR plan more than I cling to my own.” And you know what I’ve learned? That the very act of that right there is an act of worship. I have to continually choose to lay myself down at the foot of the cross and choose His ways. But the Truth is that I GET to do that! It is a BLESSING to be His child! I am His and He has paved a path for me that is far better than any I could choose on my own. So even though my heart hurts, and it doesn’t make sense, by His grace He has allowed me to CHOOSE to trust!
As I go into the summer, I do still have to prepare for one more exam. I also have accepted a new position as the 6th grade choir director, so I will have to start from scratch with lesson plans. The fact that the Lord has provided me with a position to direct choir is SO amazing to me! And I’ll get to have my sweet Annie Beth in class every.single.day which absolutely thrills my mommy heart! I know it is by His hand and His favor that I’m being given this opportunity, so I know that despite the uncertainties, I can trust Him to see me through another school year.
It’s been a wild 10 months, friends! I recognize how quickly God can pivot our plans, so I’m doing my best to enjoy the present moments, seek what He is teaching me through them, and keep my eyes on Him even when I feel like hanging my head down low at what often feels like wreckage at my feet (which happened to be a broken foot for the majority of the school year! lol) Through the ups and the downs, one Truth remains: He is SO so good, y’all!
