A Fight to the Finish for Life...

I realize this is a very sensitive topic, so let me preface this post by saying I am not trying to strike up a debate with anyone.  These are simply my feelings.  I considered not posting this, but it's something on my heart, so this seems like a good place for me to share my thoughts.  So, please don't take my words as being condemning or judgmental.  Instead, I hope you'll hear my heart.  Thanks:)

Yesterday, 2/23/12, marked the start of the 40 Days for life Campaign.  I have always considered myself pro-life and supported the pro-life movement.  I think part of that is just from how I was raised--I remember when I was a little girl that my mother was actively involved in promoting the sanctity of life, so I was brought up with that belief.  And, as I've gotten older, that teaching from my mother has turned into an important focus in my own life.  I think it hit even closer to home when I was pregnant with L.  I saw this little BABY growing inside of me on an ultrasound screen, and I felt this LIFE growing inside of me for nine months...and then I saw her enter the world and take her first breaths on her own, and in an instant, life before her arrival didn't even make sense.  This picture hanging in our hallway describes my feelings so well: 

I understand that some people are not in the same situation I was in, but I truly can't think of anything that is a bigger blessing or a more precious gift than that of a child...yet so many in today's society treat these precious lives as if they are anything but a blessing.  It just breaks my heart to think of all of the precious lives that are never given a chance to live.  They have no voice, but I do, and I will not be silent...

I think because we are in the process of adoption, the subject of abortion has become even more pressing to me in the past few months, so I've really spent a lot of time recently praying about what God would have me do with this passion to be a voice for the unborn.  I heard about the 40 Days for Life Campaign and saw that it was beginning this week, so I felt like it would be the perfect time for me to take some sort of action upon my passionate pro-life stance, and the Lord presented me with a very exciting challenge: in honor of the 40 Days for Life Campaign, I felt compelled to commit to prayer-running 40 miles over the next 40 days.  Maybe many of you have heard of prayer-walking, and this is kind of where this concept of prayer-running was birthed from.  I'll try to explain a little bit...

Running does NOT come easily for me.  I did not grow up a runner, and even though I have trained and ran in several races, it still is a struggle for me pretty much every time my feet hit the pavement.  But there's something pretty amazing about setting out to accomplish a goal, fighting through it, and completing it.  It's been such a great example to me how we are capable of ANYthing when we seek God's help and direction!  Well, I feel like a lot of other things in our lives are struggles as well, and the fight for the unborn is truly a battle in our world right now.  It may sound kind of cheesy, but as I'm struggling to push through my run, I'm praying for the struggle our unborn are facing; I'm praying for the struggle that so many women may be facing on whether or not to choose life for their child; I'm praying for the struggle we face as organizations try to promote "choice" to our world; I'm praying for the struggle we face as our government makes decisions in regards to human life...so many battles and struggles that we are facing, and some times it just seems impossible to push through and finish this battle...but we MUST push through!  So, over the next 40 days, I'm committed to fighting this battle by spending specific time in prayer each day for all of these issues that effect the unborn--not just the babies, but also the mothers, our government and political leaders, organizations that are making immoral decisions that affect the unborn, and also for God to show ME how I can personally make a difference by being His hands and feet.  This special daily prayer time is also giving me a chance to pray for our future child and their birth mommy.  Please join me in praying that our baby's birthmommy will choose life.  Pray that God will strengthen her, encourage her, and give her peace, and that He will keep our baby safe, healthy, and strong...

I'd also love for you to join me in Prayer Running (or walking) 40 miles in the next 40 days!  Check out the Facebook Page 40 Miles of Prayer for Life and share your journey with others who are committed to being a voice for the unborn!

One step closer...

I know this is going to sound pretty ridiculous, but I'm actually excited about getting fingerprinted tomorrow... Ok, before you think I've completely lost it, let me try to explain:). I realized that I was feeing really antsy/anxious this evening and couldn't figure out why. I found myself trying to stay busy this evening-trying out a new sewing project on a whim (which I failed at:(, walking quickly from room to room as I picked things up in the house, and, what should have been the dead giveaway: shining my sink. I don't know what it is about shining my sink, but I can usually tell something is on my mind when I start scrubbing away at the kitchen sink. (Seriously, if you've never "shined your sink" you need to give it a try!) At any rate, it hit me all of a sudden: we're getting fingerprinted tomorrow. I'm not sure how, but we totally overlooked this step of the paperwork process (I now remember them talking about it in orientation, but it must have gotten buried underneath the 100 other necessary documents.) DH was speaking with someone at our agency last week, and they brought up how they can't really move further until our fingerprinting is processed. So, I got online and got the earliest appointment we could! Anyway, I guess I found myself getting really worked up because even though this is one of the little steps in this process, it still is just that-one more little step closer in this process...which means we will be one more little step closer to meeting our baby and their birthmommy. So, I can't help but be anxious and excited for tomorrow, because that puts me one day closer to holding our baby in my arms... ... Dear Birthmother...I found myself having a really difficult time going to sleep last night. I laid in bed for hours, tossing and turning and feeling so unsettled. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't sleep...but then you came to my mind. I found myself praying for you and the baby you may already be carrying in your belly. You are already so much a part of our lives even though we have no idea who each other is. We are committed to praying for you though, and we can't wait to get to know you!

A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words...

My Daddy was a man of many trades, from taxes to law work to ranching, but the first job I remember him having was a photographer.  He and his father had an office in town for their photography business, which would later become their tax business.  Even now, I find myself driving past "the office" when I visit my hometown and looking into the driveway.  I think, deep down, I wish that maybe I'll see him just one more time walking towards his truck, only to stop suddenly to go check the locks on the door one more time (he was a *bit* OCD with locking doors and always double-checked.)  I have so many mental snapshots of the 25 years I had him in my life, and I find myself "flipping" through them as I work on our paperwork and try to explain in words who I am and where I've come from.  But a big part of our paperwork is more than just mental snapshots; a huge part of our paperwork is our "scrapbook," where we show actual pictures of our family, friends, etc.  This is what the birthmother will go through as she is deciding who she feels is the best match for her and her baby.  No pressure, right?!  Um, wrong!

I really enjoy taking pictures.  I love looking behind the lens and searching for that perfect shot; I love capturing special moments and being able to relive them; and I love that when I take a good picture, it feels like part of my Daddy is still with me, because I'm carrying on in his footsteps in a way.   But it's funny to me, because while photography is definitely a hobby of mine, the idea of this scrapbook has me pretty stressed out.  In fact, I realized tonight that I've actually been unknowingly putting it off.  I thought DH and I would just sit down tonight and put it together, but I quickly realized this wasn't going to be a short-process.  How do you present yourself to someone through a few pictures?

I received a lot of good suggestions from FB friends on what to include in our scrapbook, with several encouraging us to choose very "real" photos and not to try to paint a picture of the "perfect" sitcom family.  I definitely want to be real and give a proper portrayal of who we are as a family.  I've had several people say to us, "I'm so excited you guys are adopting--you guys are just the perfect family!"  While I totally appreciate this encouragement (we have been so blown away and blessed by everyone's support of us to adopt--thank you all SO much!), I have to admit that when I hear those words, I kind of stop breathing and brace myself, because I feel anything but perfect.  And then all of the doubt starts creeping in...what if we aren't good enough?  But you know what Christ so gently reminded me of this evening as I was searching for those "picture perfect" snapshots?  He reminded me that No, I'm NOT good enough--but His grace is so much bigger than any of my imperfections.  He is my restorer, my defender, my Saviour and my guide.  And that's what I want to convey to our baby's mother--a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, a niece, a cousin, a friend, a neighbor... who has been transformed by Jesus and who is striving to be all He has for me to be.  I am praying over this process and ask that you would join me, too, in asking the Lord to help us put together an album that will truly convey our hearts to the birthmother of our child.  It seems overwhelming to try to make a photograph portray all of who we are, but then again, a picture IS worth a thousand words... :-)