Fifteen Months...

Fifteen months of the sweetest snuggles...the softest skin...the most life-changing smile...

Fifteen months of the most wonderful late night wake up calls...the most heart-wrenching cries for help...the most assertive ways of telling me he does or does not want his milk...

Fifteen months of sweeping my hand through the softest and most gorgeous dark hair and playing with the cutest ear lobes I've ever seen:)

Fifteen months of picking you up as you reach out for me and hold on tightly, not wanting me to let you go...

Fifteen months of rocking you at bedtime and patting your back as you fall to sleep in your crib...

Fifteen months of saying, "You are so very loved and so very wanted by so very many..."

Fifteen months of changing the diaper of the squirmiest boy I've ever known who is ever ready to experience life...

Fifteen months of watching you soak in every moment of life through those gorgeous dark eyes...

Fifteen months of watching your face light up when your daddy enters the room, and seeing the way only Sissy can make you smile...

Fifteen months of watching you learn and develop and grow...

Fifteen months of learning of every beautiful feature of this incredible baby boy...

Fifteen months of joy, tears, and incredible beauty...

Fifteen months made up of so many tiny moments--some difficult and challenging, but all of them precious and not taken for granted, because these fifteen months are not something I deserved; they were a gift given to me.  Because for fifteen months, I have had the privilege of being called "mommy," because fifteen months ago his mommy chose to give me that title.  I have experienced these 15 months because she has not. 

So as my precious son turns 15 months old tomorrow, I am filled with so many emotions, but at the top of them all is the most intense gratitude.  My life is forever changed because of hers...it's a sacrifice so great and so beyond my comprehension, and one I will never ever forget or ever cease to tell my precious boy of. 

And as I think of the sacrifice Gabriel's precious birthmother made, I can't help but think of the amazing sacrifice my Heavenly Daddy made for me.  He chose me to be His daughter.  It was not a title I could earn or that I remotely deserved, but yet it is one He so freely gave to me, even though at such an expense for Him.

So today I'm just feeling so thankful---thankful that I get to be the Daughter of my King, and that I get to be the mommy of my son...both undeserved titles that I cherish and am forever grateful for...

Faith of a Mustard Seed...

Have you noticed in the Bible how Jesus is always so eager to let the children come to him?  Unfortunately, our society often views children as an annoyance, but in reality, children were meant to be a blessing.  I'm always amazed at the BIG truths I learn from my two little blessings, the latest being from my Lucy-bug...

Before we adopted Gabriel, Lucy would pray daily for her baby brother AND sister.  She was convinced we would be adopting twins. So when we adopted Gabriel, she was so excited about having a brother, but she said, "I prayed for a sister, too tho, momma, so you're going to have a baby!"  I smiled at her confidence and said, "well, I don't know if that's possible honey, but you can pray and ask God for that.  He doesn't always answer our prayers exactly the way that we want Him to, but He always answers in the very best way." So, for over a year, Lucy has been praying for her baby sister.  She's even gone as far as TELLING people that I have a baby in my belly!  I've had to have a few conversations with her about this.  (Those of you who have struggled with infertility can understand how difficult it is to have people coming up to you congratulating you on a pregnancy that you don't have.) I tried to explain to her that mommy might not ever be able to have a baby in my belly, but she refused to believe it.  She would just say, "Momma, I KNOW you're going to have a baby in your belly," and I would just smile at her determination, but even more at her faith...  

When you've struggled for so long for something, it's easy to lose that faith.  I will admit that while being able to get pregnant is something that hasn't left my prayer journal pages for years, I had gotten to the point where I wasn't praying for it with very great expectation.  I think a part of that was a way of trying to protect myself from disappointment, but at the same time, I think the Lord had blessed me with a peace in His ultimate plan.  After going through the adoption process and seeing God's hand all over bringing Gabriel into our family, I was so comforted by the beauty of His perfect plan.  I know without a doubt that Gabriel is the baby we had longed to parent and had cried for and prayed for for so very long.  No biological child could ever have filled that void in our mommy and daddy and big sister hearts.  So I believe in this last year God has taught me a lot about trusting His very perfect plan.  That doesn't mean His plan is always easy for us, but I can say with full confidence that it is always best. So, my prayers began to shift, asking the Lord to give us the desire for what HIS plan is for our family...and on August 15, He showed us just what that was...

I'm pregnant!

We are in SHOCK, and we are so overwhelmed by God's kindness to allow us to expand our family.  When we told Lucy, she kept saying, "I just can't believe that God answered my prayer!"  I am so excited to see her faith grow and to see our family grow.  Gabriel will get to experience the joy of being a big brother, and DH and I will get to learn the balance of being outnumbered:-)

What's so cool about the whole thing is to see God's fingerprints covering all of the details.  Just one example: We have not had maternity coverage since we were pregnant with Lucy, and DH's new insurance just went into effect right before we got pregnant--which includes maternity coverage.

When we first learned of this pregnancy, our baby was the size of a mustard seed, and I cannot think of a more fitting analogy to make other than that.  In Matthew 17:20, we read this:

"Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

Lucy has truly had faith the size of a mustard seed.  When she found out about this little one she exclaimed, "MOM!  This is Gabriel's TWIN that I prayed for!"  I just love that sweet little girl:) and I won't be at all surprised if our "baby mustard seed" turns out to be a girl.  After all, there's nothing quite as powerful as the faith of a small child...