I'm so behind on posting some of the milestones in our family's life from the past few months, but that's just because we've been busy living, so that's a pretty great reason in my book:) However, maybe I'll get caught up since today is a holiday and we're all having a lazy day hanging out in our jammies with family today. In the meantime, here's a post I wrote a few days ago that I wanted to share with y'all...
From December 30th, 2013:
This is one of those posts where I just feel the need to be really real/transparent, because I have a feeling I'm not alone in days like today...
Don't get me wrong-today was not a "bad" day at all. I got to have lunch with my family-a family we never thought we would be able to have, but by God's graciousness He has expanded it and allowed DH to enter into his seventh year of being cancer free. Maybe the weight of that responsibility was weighing heavily in the back of my mind as I took my three children-two in
tow and one in utero-to brave the shopping crowds all afternoon for some last-minute Christmas gifts (nope-we aren't done celebrating yet!) and some much-needed grocery items. Mind you, this is after Gabriel was up until 4 this morning (he's cutting a tooth) and due to today's outing he was missing out on a much-needed nap. (Which he found at the dinner table apparently!)
"Can I vacuum the floor for you, Mommy?"
Can you what??! Seriously? I told her that would be WONDERFUL! And you know what? Even with the patches of missed spots, it was the most beautiful looking vacuumed floor I've ever had.
Afterwards, I gave her the biggest hug and said, "thank you so much for helping mommy out today-you have no idea how much it means to me." She replied, "I just wanted to do something to make you happy because you seemed sad...and I like to vacuum! I want to vacuum for you every day now!" Melted my heart...and broke it at the same time. Just as I had been feeling so overwhelmed at the thought of soon having three children and wondering how I'd ever manage to be a good wife and mommy to everyone, there comes my daughter. It was as if the Lord was whispering in my ear that everything was going to be ok. But that guilty side wanted to yell at me, "How dare you let her see you struggle! You're supposed to have it all together; to be everything for everyone. You're such a failure..." And while I know that's a lie, it is so easy to believe it when you're physically and mentally give out. But how precious is my Jesus to remind me that no, I don't have to do it all and that He always provides a way to see us through even the little details of life...and sometimes He does so through the form of a little six-year-old girl.
When I woke up this morning, the movie WALL-E was on, and this quote really stuck out to me:
"I don't want to survive; I want to LIVE!"
So as we enter into a New Year, I want to remember to not get bogged down by life, just waiting for a moment to breathe, because I don't want to just survive, but to truly LIVE. I want to look for God in the mommy meltdowns of life, for what an opportunity to be lifted up to see life from an even more amazing perspective than I ever imagined, which is often through the eyes of a child.