The Road to His Arms...

This afternoon, I got to call and cancel two different medical appointments--one for a test, and one for a specialist.  When on the last phone call and asked why I was canceling and if I wanted to reschedule, I reponded, "The issue has been resolved.  We do not need to reschedule!" I literally hung up from that phone call with the biggest smile on my face.  I may have even skipped out of the kitchen after I turned my phone off and then gazed at two of my three amazing blessings playing in the living room.  Maybe canceling a few doctor appointments doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but to me, after the past year, it was huge. 

I haven't posted about our family's medical issues a whole lot on my blog (not necessarily to try and hide what has been going on...there's a lengthy explanation for it, I promise...), but sum it all up to say this: we've had a rough year.  It's not that anyone has been diagnosed with anything that has not been treatable, and I do not take that lightly at all, but we've just had a weary year filled with, literally, one appointment after another.  From regular checkups to the common cold at our pediatrician's office, to strep throat and flu at the care now clinics, to so many infections and trips to my OB since Annie's birth, to multiple specialists (I'm not exaggerating--every member of our family has seen one, if not more, specialists in the past year) to surgeries and hospitalizations.  It's been draining in every sense of the word. And while each issue has been a matter of prayer for this momma, there was one issue that weighed especially heavy on my heart: my newborn baby facing a possible surgery.

Annie was diagnosed with a patent urachus when she was one month old.  After over a month of continual antibiotics and a handful of tests, we were relieved to hear the Lord had healed the issue.  Her belly button was no longer leaking any fluid, and the open area from her belly button to her bladder had appeared to close.  However, it left behind something the pediatric urologist wanted to follow up on. So, in January, we had followup testing done, and a very conflicting visit with the doctor.  We left his office very unsure of what course of action to take.  After much prayer, discussion, and seeking some wise counsel, we chose to get a second opinion.  We had that appointment this morning.  DH doesn't know this, but as the threat of severe winter weather loomed over us, I couldn't help but remember a similiar trip just a little over eight years ago...

In December of 2006, my husband was taken in for emergency surgery, and in January of 2007, he was diagnosed with cancer. His oncologist felt the cancer was contained and that observation was the best coure of action, but he wanted to refer us to a specialist for his specific type of cancer so that we could get a second opinion. We were living in Illinois at the time, and the specialist we were to see (who had treated Lance Armstrong's cancer--we felt so blessed to be able to get in to see someone so knowledgable in this field) was in Indianapolis, Indiana.  I had taken time off from work (not something I could easily change...I won't go into the details of that job!), and appointments with specialists don't just pop up very quickly, so when the threat of a winter storm came up, we decided to just head out on the roads earlier than planned to try and beat the bad conditions.  Surrounded by the snow-filled air and the slick pavement, we made a trip for that second opinion, and we were met with very reassuring words from the doctor.

While the snow had not yet filled the air this morning, and the roads were not yet iced over on the road to Annie's second opinion, the threat was there.  And, as I sit here now typing this, I can hear the sounds of our fireplace crackling and the freezing rain hitting our rooftop.

  And, just like that trip to Indianapolis, Indiana 8 years ago, today we were greeted with reassuring words.  There was certainly a chill in the air as DH and I left both of those appointments, but the feeling in my heart was one of warmth and comfort and gratitude at God's grace...but still, I found myself questioning the Lord today. Not in the way of "Why did you make us travel this road?" but in a way of, "Lord, I know Your way is perfect, so I do not question it, but if nothing was to come of all of this medical concern, what was Your purpose in having us travel this path?"  I felt the Lord nudge me, and I realized the question that I needed to be asking was this: "Lord, what did you want to teach me from all of this?"  I couldn't find the answer right away, but the Lord never stays silent...

As the day progressed and the temperature continued to drop, I found myself cozied up in my favorite chair with my favorite blanket...and my favorite blessings:)  Lucy,

Gabriel,

and Annie

all piled into my lap at various points of the afternoon wanting to be snuggled...to warm up...to be held by their mommy.  There is possibly no greater feeling in the world than to hold your precious child close to you, to show them love and, in many ways, to give them protection.  There is such great comfort to be found when you are being held. 

So I'm not so sure that the Lord was wanting to teach me something these past several months...I think, more than anything, He just wanted to give me another glimpse of how He is my Heavenly Daddy; He wanted to hold me.  Because at every turn of this weary year, when I've felt like I can't take another step and it's all too much for me to handle, I've found myself collapsing in His arms.  And while we certainly can enjoy the warmth of our Saviour's embrace during the good days, it is during those times that we so often choose not to.  

So today, I got to call and cancel two appointments that we no longer needed to keep, because the issue had been resolved.  After hanging up the phone and gazing at my precious kiddos in the living room, I joined them, and I held them, and they smiled up at me.  And I found myself reaching for my Heavenly Daddy's arms, too.  But today, it wasn't to find refuge.  No, just like my children were smiling up at me, I found myself smiling up at Him. 

Thank you, Jesus, for your grace in DH's healing and in Annie's healing.  And thank you for how you love your children. May my children see a glimpse of your love for them through the love I show to them as I hold them when they are crying, and as I hold them when they are smiling. Thank you for how you are ALWAYS holding onto me...