It’s a month until I turn “29” again. I remember my first 29th birthday. Heading into that birthday, I dealt with a lot of sadness because so much of what I thought life would look like hadn’t come to fruition. Hindsight is often so beautiful, though. I can look back on these last ten years and see that my Jesus has moved so many mountains in my life. The story that has played out in these last ten years is so much greater than anything I could have ever hoped for. Has it all been rosey? Certainly not! We have experienced some of the deepest hurt and grief in these last ten years, but I can see God’s hand on every page of our story.
As I get ready for this next birthday, I am filled with some of those same feelings from ten years ago. I was so excited about celebrating this upcoming birthday knowing that new life was coming later this year. It honestly makes me dread going into this next month with things so much different than what I had anticipated…this isn’t one of those rosey stages. But something happened this week that reminded me that even the most beautiful things have unlovely moments…
Some friends recently gifted me some beautiful flowers, and my mom and DH planted them and others for me after I had my D&C. It’s been very therapeutic for me to water them each day and to see them bloom. Gabriel had even been asking to plant some things, so we he’s excitedly seeing the progress of his sunflowers each day.
I love seeing all of the vibrant colors peeking through my flower bed now. I have a miniature rose bush that has such a gorgeous deep pink hue,
but in the last few weeks, the blooms started shriveling up and lost their vibrant color. I’ll admit that it stung a bit to see them die off. I’m not the best with flowers, so I worried maybe I had killed my plant. I eventually pulled off the dried up petals some time last week, and a few days later, when I went out to water my flowers, I saw that one, tiny bud had begun to bloom again. New life was growing right before my eyes, and I was reminded that more is to come…if I can be patient and continue tending to it each day.
I’m reminded that God is at work, my friends. Even in the moments when it seems like all of the good has shriveled up and the beauty has died, He is still tending to it, and He is able to make something beautiful from it. I see how He has done it in my life before, time and again. So many times I have felt forgotten or unseen, but my God is EVER at work. I so desperately desire a different outcome many times, but I will choose to trust Him even when my heart is broken. This isn’t one of those “rosey” moments in my life, but I can feel my Jesus raining down on my broken heart. He’s the Master Gardener, and this is one of those necessary seasons of pruning. The honest truth is that I feel so broken right now. My heart aches. But I’m choosing to trust in the process because He isn’t done yet. And even if I never get to see the blooms that come from all of this, I will still choose to trust Him, because I know He IS able, He IS good, and He IS worthy!
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