I'm never quite sure what is going to come out of Lucy's mouth these days, but it's always sure to melt my heart, put a smile on my face, or really make me think...and some times it's all of those things combined! The other day she was loving on Gabriel and said, "I don't want to be 4 anymore. I miss being a baby. I want to be a baby again like baby Gabriel." I stopped and thought for a second then held her close to me and said, "You know what? I miss you being a baby, too. BUT, if you were still a baby, I wouldn't get to talk with you and do all of the things with you that I get to now, so we just always have to enjoy life as it comes and then we can always look back and be thankful for those moments we enjoyed."
I was instantly brought back to the morning of Lucy's c-section. (My determined little girl was just as strong-willed in my womb and decided she didn't want to flip head down!) You may have heard me share this before... I remember getting up before anyone else that morning (goodness knows I couldn't sleep!) and as I was getting ready I was praying, and one of the things I prayed was this, "Lord, please help me not to ever take any moment for granted with Lucy--the good, the bad, the difficult...help me to enjoy every moment to its fullest." So from the moment she was born, that's what I've strived to do. I try my best not to say, "I can't wait until she gets to such and such stage," because I know I can never get the present moment back. This way of thinking proved to be most difficult for me when we were in the midst of potty-training, but even then I tried to remind myself that the present was a gift, and I wanted to embrace it, because once we moved past it, it would be gone forever. Sure, there are days that I do miss cradling Lucy close to me and rocking her to sleep every night, but I remember those moments so vividly because I tried my best to soak everything I could up from them, so now, I look back at those moments fondly, rather than with regret from wishing them away. Of course, I certainly have failed MANY times at trying to embrace every moment, but it really is something I strive for. I just don't ever want to take for granted what a gift my children are, and what an honor it is that God has chosen DH and me to guide them and direct them.
All of that being said, the Lord really convicted me tonight that He doesn't want me to just embrace every moment of parenting...He wants me to fully embrace every moment of my LIFE--the good, the bad, the difficult...ALL of it, because with everything that God allows in my life, He gives me the opportunity to draw closer to Him by hearing from Him, experiencing Him, leaning on Him, trusting Him... He doesnt want us to look back on our lives in regret, but instead He desires for us to live victoriously. So, yes little Lucy, sometimes I do wish I could go back to the past, too, but Oh how beautiful the view is right from here in the present when we learn to fully embrace all God has for us in the here and now!