Monday, December 17, 2012

Letting Go of What I Hold Most Dear...

I'll be posting about Gabriel's finalization once I have all of the pictures gathered.  It was an amazingly incredibly super special day though, for sure!  Be on the lookout for that post...

But for today, I wanted to share some thoughts with ya'll that I had this morning during my quiet time...

I attended a Family Variety Show last week that was put on by some dear friends of ours.  Their 5 year old twins recited part of Luke chapter 2 and it was seriously SO precious!  There's something about hearing sweet little voices quoting scriptures that just melts my hearts and makes me smile.  As I went to open my Bible this morning, I felt compelled to read over that familiar passage, and I'm so glad that I did!  I got to verse 19, and it just really stuck out to me:

"But Mary treasured up all of these things, pondering them in her heart."

As I looked back to see what "all of these things" was referring to, I went back to verse 11, where the angels proclaim to the shepherds that this baby who has been born is "the Saviour."  I couldn't help but wonder if maybe that's what Mary was pondering.  Perhaps she was looking at her baby boy and wondering what His future was going to entail being the "Saviour."

As I look at my own sweet baby boy, I can't help but wonder what his life will entail, too.  I wonder this about Lucy, too, of course, but with Gabriel there are some other unknowns added into the equation.  Since Gabriel was added into our family by the gift of adoption, he will experience certain questions and struggles as he grows older I am sure.  My mommy heart wants to protect him from all of these questions and possible hurts, but I know that I can't.  I wonder what his feelings and his questions will be as he begins to understand his beautiful story.  How will it effect him?  How will our relationship as a family be with his birth family as he gets older--will that become more difficult and will it be difficult for him?  What about for his birthmother--how will she be effected as he grows older?  So many questions that continue on and on in my head, but the same truth stands for them all:


As I kissed and hugged my baby girl as I dropped her off for school this morning, I had to fight the urge to focus on fearing for her life in light of the recent school tragedy.  I was reminded that she's really not mine--she's on loan to me by our Heavenly Father who has given DH and me the privilege of caring for her and guiding her through life.  No amount of worry or fear or caution will change the fact that God is ultimately in control and He is always caring for her and watching out for her and going before her.  
 My greatest defense strategy as a mom is not in worrying over my children or trying to keep them in a bubble and shield them from life.  No, my greatest defense as a mother is found in surrendered hands that are willing to let go of the most precious gifts I've been given and trusting them to my Saviour.  My greatest battles are fought (and won!) not by words or deeds but by calloused knees and worn pages in my Bible.  

I'm so thankful and humbled by the gift of being Lucy and Gabriel's mom, but I pray my focus as a mother would always be, first and foremost, on my God and Saviour!

1 comment:

  1. I have those same fears (about school). I love your thoughts on that... I am a worrier. My life has been devastated once and I do not want to live through something like that ever again. I know I have no control over the safety of my children at all times but I struggle with laying down the fear. Thank you for your eloquent words. You have no idea how much the things you write and the way you live your life speak to my heart.