When I opened my prayer journal up this morning, I glanced back at the first page. I had originally started this particular notebook as a journal, and the first entry happens to be from this exact date last year. I don't normally share my private journal entries, but I want to share this one with y'all because I know that those of you reading can probably relate to some extent with how I was feeling--either you may be going through similar feelings, have been through those feelings, or God is preparing you to go through a similar season...
January 9, 2012
I told a friend today:
"I feel so weak...but I guess that's a good thing."
I guess I just feel so fragile in every way right now--my emotions are all over the place, and I feel like I have no control of my life right now.
That's really a blessing though, isn't it?
If I'm not in control, then I can look to the One who is.
If I feel weak, then I can lean on the One who is strong.
I know in my heart that God blesses us with trials. I just need to be victorious about that knowledge. Some days, it's just hard though, if I'm being completely honest.
"Lord, please help me to be thankful in ALL things. Help me to not lose faith--help me to be confident that you are working. Forgive my disbelief and wayward tendencies. Thank you for your patience, your mercy, and your love. Amen."
I really believe that one of the greatest blessings we are given is hindsight. It's incredible to be able to look back and finally be able to fit all of the pieces together and see how God was working. It gives me hope and confidence to be able to look back and see how God WAS working, even when I couldn't see it or feel, knowing that He will continue to do His mighty works in whatever unknowns I will face in my future.
Praising God today that He is ever going before me to prepare His perfect path for me, and praying that I can surrender my life to follow Him wherever He desires to lead me...