I distinctly remember sitting on the "happy room couch" at my mom's house back in January. My insomnia was giving me fits, so I was spending some time in the Word, and the Lord brought me to a passage in Isaiah that I have clung to throughout our adoption journey. In fact, we ended up using it on our internet profile page for CHFS:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are
mine. When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you. When
you’re in rough waters, you will not go down. When you’re between a
rock and a hard place, it won’t be a dead end—Because I am God, your
personal God…Do not remember past events, pay no attention to things of
old. Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do
you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in
the desert.” (from Isaiah 43:1-19)
It's a passage that has given me a lot of hope in the recent months, and the Lord used it today to bring me comfort once again...
Many of you may have seen my post on facebook about Sunday marking the five year anniversary of my father's passing:
"Five years ago, on a Sunday morning, I lost my daddy. Words can't express how much I miss him, and how much I grieve over all he has missed in these past five years."
You see, I had been DREADING this past Sunday morning. Not only did it mark five years since my father's passing, but it also happened on the same day of the week. I'll never forget being in praise team rehearsal and DH being told he needed to take an important phone call. Since then, you'll almost never find me without my cell phone nearby, even during a church service (my mother had tried to get a hold of me, but my phone was turned off.) It was literally, by far, THE worst day of my life. So many unanswered questions, so many unmet goals, and just so very much grief... So, maybe it's a bit understandable that for the past several weeks, the thought of going to praise team rehearsal five years later had my stomach in knots and my heart in a very fragile state. But you know what? There was something different about this particular Sunday... On a day where I was so reminded of death, I was also reminded of the amazing gift of life, because on Sunday, I got to bring my newborn son to church for the very first time. Yes, I still grieved over the loss of my daddy, but I also found myself rejoicing in the birth of my son. As I reflected on it all after coming home that afternoon, I realized what a beautiful gift God had given me, not just in giving us a son, but also in WHEN he gave us our son. He never ceases to amaze me with how He works out all of the details in our lives so beautifully and intricately. Only a God like Him could do that!
So, once again, my thoughts turned to the passage in Isaiah...my "personal God" was reminding me to not dwell on the past, for He is doing something NEW! Yes, I will always grieve over my Daddy, but I am so thankful for the special gift of comfort God provided me this year. What a gift!
Remembering Billy Kent Rutherford: photo slideshow from my Daddy's funeral that my brother put together and I sang/played for...