Held...

I remember the sleepless nights with my lucybug very well. Poor baby girl comes by her sleep issues honestly, as this momma has struggled with insomnia for years. Or maybe I'm just "paying for my raising" as I've heard I was quite the "singer" (um, ok, only if you consider "scream-o" a form of singing;) as a baby. I finally gave in and called our family doctor today to see if there is anything to help her with her restlessness-she cries out all night long in her sleep, but even just getting her to sleep in the first place is quite an event. From the time she was a newborn, she hasn't enjoyed sleeping by herself. I pretty much rocked her to sleep every night until she was three (go ahead, judge me, but I wouldn't trade those long nights of snuggling for anything!) and to this day she still often begs me to lie down with her while she goes to sleep...not to mention that she's frequently known to sneak into our room in the middle of night and hop in bed with us only to get sent back to her room. (Again noting the restless sleeper that she is--she flails her arms and legs all over the place, so it's impossible to sleep soundly with her next to you!) She is always anxious to stay the night at Gi-Gi's house because she gets to sleep in Gigi's bed. Tonight I found her snuggled away in her Gi-Gi's arms, both of them sound asleep. From 5 minutes old to 5 years old, the only way to cure her restlesness has always been for her to just be held...

Then there's my son. He is quite the little cuddlebud when he is AWAKE for sure, but he's not one for getting rocked to sleep. However, tonight was a different story. My poor baby boy has been struggling all day with pain from trying to cut more teeth, and he has been unusually restless this evening. He keeps waking up, crying. Normally, late night cries mean he is hungry and wants a bottle, but not tonight. He pursed his lips and pushed the bottle away, so I just held him closely and he quickly rested his head on his momma's shoulder. My sweet baby boy was hurting, and he just needed to be comforted. He simply wanted to be held...

Then there are others in my family...my dear sister-in-law in particular is heavy on my heart right now as her daddy is expected to pass at any moment. I saw her tonight, and I just couldn't even find one single word to say to her that seemed comforting in the least. All I could tell her was I loved her and was praying for her, so I've been praying all evening that she would feel held by her Heavenly daddy...

Then there's me...I've been dealing with some personal things the last few months. My heart hurts, and my human mind just can't fully wrap itself around the hows and whys of it all. While I know I'm not alone, it's been one of those times in life where I FEEL alone, and it's just hard. While at my mom's over spring break, I was able to go out to dinner with one of my oldest friends. We caught up on life, reminisced, laughed together, supported one another, and just spent time together. I was reminded of the blessing that comes from a relationship like that, where someone has truly experienced life with you, so they don't misunderstand you or easily pass judgement on you. They just listen to you, love you, try their best to understand you, and they encourage you. In a way, they hold you...

There are a great many other things on my mind right now, but they are things I need to just hold close to my heart, and as I was holding my own precious child this evening, I was reminded that my Jesus is right here with me, ready to scoop His child up in His mighty arms and hold her. The lyrics to this beautiful (yet also hard-to-listen-to) song came to the forefront of my mind, and I want to share them here:

Natalie Grant "Held" Lyrics

Two months is too little, they let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling

Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

If hope if born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait for one hour
Watching for our Savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held