My daughter=my heart...

I would be the first to tell you that I'm pretty sensitive and emotional...except you'd probably beat me to it because I couldn't get it out before the tears start flowing.  A lot of people make this out to be a bad thing, but even "Jesus wept," and I think He gave us the gift of emotions. That being said, I exercise those emotions, and things effect me deeply. So throughout my 29+1 years of life (yup, we're still going with that!) I have shed many a tear from sad to mad to glad to everything else inbetween them all! But even through all of the tears I have cried, I don't think I have ever hurt as deeply as my heart has ached for my children.

It's an interesting thing when you become a mother...your heart somehow opens up this entirely new area that's been reserved specifically for your children (maybe that's why your heart aches so much when you want to have a child and cannot-because that area of your heart feels trapped.) and it's unlike any other part of your heart, because it's connected to those you hold most dear.  When your kids hurt, you hurt, too, and tonight I found myself hurting for my precious daughter.  As the tears stung my cheeks and the lump grew larger and heavier in my throat, I tried to figure out why the emotions were so deep...and then I realized it's because I wasn't just hurting for myself, but I was hurting for my daughter, and that part of my heart reserved specifically for her felt like it was shattering and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

Some of you may be thinking, ok, she's FIVE! What can seriously be so bad to a 5 year old?! Well, that's just it...my LITTLE girl is about to undergo some seriously BIG transitions, and that's hard enough for me at my age, so I can only imagine how she's able to process it all...

Two weeks ago, we announced to her that we are moving.  She seemed mostly excited when we first told her, and she went about her day normally from there...until about two hours later when she started processing things.  Little did I know you could hear a 5 year old processing something, but I did--as I was in the other room and I started to hear a little girl WAILING in the living room.  I think for a second, her Daddy said, "Ok, that's it.  We're not moving."  But we know when God calls you to go, it's always best for everyone if you follow.  So, he explained to her with love and care how it's okay to be sad and to cry, and he let his little girl pour out all of her big emotions.  (Seriously, he's SUCH a good Daddy!)  So what was it that caused Lucy to be so upset?

She didn't want to leave her friends...

My heart immediately hurt for her that day two weeks ago, but my heart ached for her even more this evening when I found out one of her best friends is going on vacation all next week, so it's unlikely she's going to have much time with her at all before our move other than to say goodbye.  Even as I type those words, tears are falling from my face as I think of how much she is going to miss those she loves so much.  (I know she's only 5, but she is my little social butterfly, and her friends are very important to her.)

California girls-friends for over 20 years!

I remember another little girl very well who had that very same emotion.  She was a few years older than my Lucy, but every bit as sentimental and loyal.  She cried for HOURS throughout the long car ride to her new home.

She was me.

And as I thought of my Lucy-bug dealing with the sadness of moving away from her friends, I was instantly brought back to that moment almost 20 years ago when my dear friends stayed with me at my house until the movers finished loading the van, and my next door neighbor went running after my car as it drove away from the street we had shared for four years.  I never thought a move could be so emotionally devastating as that one...until that place reserved in my heart just for my Lucy began to break for her as she dealt with the first move she remembers. As my heart poured out in sobs for my Lucy, I immediately thought of my own mother and what she must have felt as she listened to me cry over missing my dear friends.  I remember her telling me growing up, "When you hurt, I hurt," but I think that this was the first time in my life that I really understood the depth of that statement.

I don't want to make this move out to be a bad thing--we truly are SO excited for what the Lord has in store!  But I would be lying if I said that it is without any sadness or difficulty.  This is the only home my son has ever known and the only home my daughter remembers, and we have LOVED being a part of this church body.  We move with sadness for the friends and the ministry that we have loved so much, but with excitement for the relationships that will continue, new friendships that will come, and the new ministry God is going to bring forth both here and there.

I share all of these things with you to ask for your prayers.  Please join me in asking the Lord that I will be able to handle all of the upcoming changes well so that my children can transition more easily, too.  Pray for them to be able to transition easily and smoothly.  Pray for us to draw closer to the Father as a result of all of this.  And pray that my daughter will feel secure, not just from her momma that loves her oh so very much, but ultimately from her Heavenly Father!

Meeting Rachel...

Today marks a very important date in our adoption journey.  Exactly one year ago, we were meeting a woman who would forever change our lives...  You may remember a post from last June where I announced we had been selected by a birthmother.  I said in that post that at some point I would share more details.  I'm sure you weren't expecting it to take quite this long, but there are certain things I've chosen to hold close to my heart because I just didn't feel like it was the time to post them.  Today though, I'm going to share some of those things that I have tucked away in a very special place in my heart...

I remember that week this time last year very well...my grandmother had just asked me if we had heard any news on the process, and I was growing weary of telling people we were still just waiting.  I know, in the scheme of the adoption process as a whole, it wasn't like we had been waiting an incredibly long time, but when you've been actively working for months to get paperwork done and requirements fulfilled, the waiting period to be chosen can seem excruciating, because you have no more "busy work."  You just sit...and you wait...and you PRAY...and each time your home telephone rings, your heart stops, because maybe, JUST maybe, it's the call you've been waiting and praying for...and then your heart sinks when you see it's just another telemarketer.  But I remember the morning very vividly that I did receive that important phone call...

I had been struggling through our waiting period, but I also felt like the Lord had told me that our baby would be coming around my birthday, and on June 4th, 2012, I had felt very compelled to pray over our baby's birthmother.  I prayed for her daily, but that morning in particular I felt very strongly I needed to pray for her and for the whole adoption process.  After my quiet time, Lucy was watching a show, and I decided to finish putting some fringe on a scarf I had knit (which ended up selling at an adoption fundraiser a friend hosted for us at her home), and while I was working on it, the phone rang.

My heart stopped.

Could this be the call? I immediately thought.  I grabbed the phone but closed my eyes, and I forced the thought of it being "the" call to leave my mind, because I knew I was just setting myself up for disappointment again.  But then I opened my eyes, revealing that this was in fact a call from Christian Homes.  My heart raced and my hands began to shake, and I began pacing all over the house.  It was our caseworker, and at first she just made some small talk and asked what we had been up to.  I began thinking, OK, this is kind of weird.  I guess she's just calling to check in?  But then, as I was standing between the doorway of the kitchen and the laundry room explaining to her how crazy of a month June was going to be, she said this (and I could HEAR the smile in her voice!)
"Are you read for your applecart to be overturned?"

My eyes opened up very widely as I hesitantly responded, "Yeeeeeees??"

She then told me, "You've been selected by a birthmom!"

I immediately began crying (not the sobbing kind--the kind where your voice shakes and you're super excited and nervous at the same time, so nothing is really coming out...it was the same kind of cry I had when DH proposed to me:) and pacing back and forth through the hallway of our home.  My mind was so flustered with emotions that I didn't even know what to ask!  I got off the phone and immediately called DH.  I was crying (this time a more normal definition of "crying") and he was afraid something was wrong as I blubbered, "We've been chosen by a birthmom!"  He couldn't understand me, "What?"  I tried to calm down and told him again, more clearly.  He couldn't believe it either!  He started asking me all sorts of questions, which I knew none of the answers to because I really hadn't thought to ask our caseworker many details at all.  I then told Lucy that a birthmom had chosen us...I so wish I would have videoed her response.  She immediately jumped to her feet on the couch, jumping up and down and squealing with excitement "EEEEEEEEEEE!!!"  It was so cute to listen to her tell people, "A birthmommy picked us!" over the coming days.  She was so excited and so proud that she was going to be a big sister!

The following morning, Tuesday, this phone call came in:

It was our caseworker and the birthmother's caseworker.  Michael and I both were on the phone and we got our first glimpse into this woman's life...the woman we had been praying daily for, for so very long...the woman who was possibly carrying the baby we so desperately wanted to parent...and ultimately the woman who would forever change our lives.  We learned she was expecting a BOY and that she was due on June 26th.  As in..

wait for it...

Three weeks.  THREE weeks!  Three WEEKS?!  What?!

Here's the crazy thing about adoption: the waiting seems endless, but once things start moving, you feel like everything is happening SO fast.  We had no baby furniture, no baby clothes, not even a single diaper in the house!  (We had purposely not been getting baby stuff or setting the nursery up...my heart just couldn't handle seeing it all sit there not knowing when it would be used.  More importantly, we knew God would provide exactly when we needed Him to.)

But first things first...we found out we were going to get to meet her in TWO days!  Her caseworker was leaving the COUNTRY for a two week mission trip, so we had to meet her before she left.  The problem?  We were in the midst of VBS week at church, which DH was the only staff member at so kind of in charge, and I was leading the music.  To top it all off, Lucy couldn't come with us, and she got SICK.  My mom wasn't able to come in to watch her, DH's parents were not at a drivable distance to be able to come, and we just did not know what we were going to do.  But a sweet friend gladly let her stay with them, even with being sick.  I remember her saying, "You don't worry about Lucy.  You just go meet your baby's birthmom!"  So, on Thursday, June 7th, 2012, DH and I hopped in our green Saturn Vue and headed out to do just that!  But after a few of my little quirks...

Like staying up late the night before to "shine my sink," (I did this before our homestudy, too.  Something about my kitchen being extra sparkly helps relieve stress.

I also always feel much more confident in a situation if my nails are painted.  I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous, but remember, I prefaced this by introducing them as "my little quirks," so you were warned;-)

Snapshot of my actual journal entry

Going into that meeting, the Lord had given me a specific verse which I posted to my FB that day:
Romans 15:13
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

As much as everyone wants to prepare you for the what-ifs of an adoption falling through, I felt like the Lord was telling me that it was OK to hope, so I ended my quiet time that morning with this:

Dear Lord, I'm overwhelmed by how you work everything together to follow Your perfect path.  Please continue to work in this situation and allow Your glory to be shown.  Bless Rachel and baby boy, and give us safety as we travel and protection and health for Lucy.  Amen.

There was a pretty thick tension on the long car drive to meet Rachel, and you could just sense the weightiness inside that vehicle.  We both knew that this was such an important meeting...what if she didn't like us or we came off the wrong way?  I think one of my biggest frustrations in life is when I'm misunderstood--I want people to be able to see my heart, and that's what we wanted Rachel to be able to see.  You could pretty much sum our feelings into the following: EXCITED, EMOTIONAL (notice the no makeup--way too early on an emotional day for mascara!) and just EXCEPTIONALLY blessed to be on God's path for our family!

Our meeting took place at a church.  We were the first to arrive (yes, I know that's shocking!) and kind of freshened up in the bathroom (I didn't really want her first impression of me to be getting knocked over by my coffee breath wafting through the air.) and then took a seat in one of the conference rooms.  Rachel's caseworker soon joined us and set a very comfortable and easy-going tone for the day.  A few minutes later she got the text from Rachel that she and her sister were in the parking lot.  I remember looking over at DH with my eyes wide open and my breath held in as I gripped the arms of my chair and stood up.

And then she walked into the room...this beautiful, adorable looking pregnant woman in a Texas Rangers hoodie.  She had a huge smile on her face and seemed so at ease.  I immediately went up to her and gave her a hug and we all just sat down and talked.  Was it awkward?  Well, yes, there's quite a bit of information pouring out around that room, and it's very emotional, too.  As she explained her reasoning for placing her baby, there was not a dry eye in the room.  We got to know each other, share our hearts with another, and I think we would all say we just felt a huge connection with one another.  We would have signed the match confirmation right then, but CHFS requires you sleep on it before making a decision, so we agreed to that.  We exchanged phone numbers with Rachel so that could keep in touch, and we asked to take a photo with her before we all headed out.  When we went outside it started to rain, but we huddled together and prayed for Rachel, for her baby boy, for her safety during her pregnancy, and for God's direction and peace.  We had our hands on her belly as we were praying and baby boy was seriously going crazy!  Maybe he was raising his hands in agreement:)  We all hugged and said goodbye, and then we hopped back into our green Vue.  As our car doors shut, Michael and I both blew out a very collective SIGH!  So many emotions had been pinned up leading to that day, and yet there we were having faced them just moments ago.

Signing our match comfirnation

 We had no reservations with our match, so 24 hours after meeting Rachel we signed and submitted the papers to confirm the match.  

Signing our match convfirmation

It's so hard for me to believe that it's already been a year since we met Gabriel's birthmom, but yet, at the same time, it feels as if she has been a part of our family so much longer than that, because I just can't imagine not having her in our lives.  

As I was giving Gabriel his bottle and rocking him before bedtime, I looked into his beautiful brown eyes and told him this:   
Exactly one year ago was the first time I got to feel you kick, and we got to meet your birthmommy.  She is such an amazing woman who loves you so much, and we love her.  I am so thankful she chose me to be your mommy...

And as he fell asleep in my arms I whispered softly to him, Never never ever doubt how much you are loved by so many...

You see, one of the things that is so beautiful about open adoption is the love that surrounds our baby boy and connects us all.  Not only will Gabriel grow up to know the unconditional love that our family has for him, but he will know of the amazing and selfless love that his birthmother has for him, too.  Those were all things that we were told about open adoption, but there's something else that I've come to know along the way, too...You see, I was aware of the positive effects open adoption has for the child and their birthmother, but I never dreamt of the joys it would bring to me personally.  My life is filled with more love because of this amazing woman that gave birth to my son.  She isn't just Gabriel's birthmom-she is also a cherished part of our family.

One year ago I not only met my son's birthmother, but I also met a dear friend...

How Beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring Good News...

5/30/13 First LAST day of school

I was reading an article someone had written about their strong-willed child, and I love what she penned.  She basically said this:

Strong willed children often turn out to be leaders who are not swayed by peer pressure...their passion can become compassion and their stubbornness persistence. They will be fearless in tackling the causes they care about...

I was thinking of how I'm often told that I'm "paying for my raising" regarding dealing with my very high-spirited, dramatic, and strong-willed daughter.  But I really don't like the negative connotations that follow the label of a "strong-willed" child, because it's not really so much what personality traits your child has as it is about how you guide and develop those traits.  So, rather than label her as a "strong-willed child," I like to use the word, "determined."  You see, if I could explain Lucy in one word, it would be passionate. Whatever she does, she does it with passion--that can mean she is passionately excited about something, passionately happy about something, or passionately MAD about something!  She is either all into something, or she could absolutely care less.  It takes a lot of determination to live life with passion.  You don't give up or give in easily, or really at all; it's all or nothing.

Nonnie Snuggles

We have had a pretty full past few weeks.  Lucy got to play with some friends after school one day last week and even had a sleepover with one of them on a school night!  She had so much fun and we were so thankful for sweet and giving friends.  The next day, Nonnie and Opie came in for a visit:)  Let me tell you, we had one HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY little girl on our hands! 

Opie Fun

(And, of course, little GP just loved all of the sweet Nonnie snuggles and fun Opie games:)  But after a weekend filled with several "ice cream with Opie" dates and "Ok, you can stay up just a little bit longer" nights, we have ended up with one very MOODY 5 year old, let me tell ya!  She got in a much-needed afternoon nap and then was able to run off some crazy exhausted-energy (parents, you know the kind of energy I'm talking about, right?  The kind where they're so tired that they go extra crazy out of fear if they stop they might actually fall asleep and miss out on something.) at Sunday's Graduation Cookout at the church after the Baccalaureate service. 

Enjoying the cookout at church after Baccalaureate

I almost got into it with her over her taking her shoes off and then I thought, ya know, is it really the end of the world for her to run around in the grass and on the playground with no shoes on?  I mean, I used to do the same thing when I was a kid, so why am I being so anal about it?  So, I set germaphobe tendencies aside for the evening and decided her happy feet were more important than being a stick-in-the-mud-mommy, and I watched a very happy girl play away and away and away...until she finally made her way back to me with almost unrecognizable feet!  I'm not exaggerating at all when I tell you it was the dirtiest I think I have ever seen my child--EVER!  Her feet were literally covered in BLACK (from the playground rubber and just from dirt in general...and who really knows what all else!)  Her nails and fingernails were caked with dirt, and her face showed the signs of an evening filled with sno cones and Doritos.  But you know what else she was covered in?  The biggest smile, because she had literally played out there with everything she had (well, and DIDN'T have on, too, I guess!;-)  She had played without abandon...she had played with passion...she had played with a determination to enjoy everything surrounding her and just.have.fun.

jumping for joy!

After we got home, I carried her straight to the bathtub and scrubbed and scrubbed and SCRUBBED away at those dirty little piggies!  All of a sudden, she said, "Mom, LOOK!  My feet are brand new now!"  Yes, as we had washed the dirt away, her feet certainly did look brand new.  I know it's kind of a cheesy parallel, but I just smiled to myself as I thought how that's exactly what Christ does for us.  We find ourselves living passionately for the wrong things sometime, and we end up right in the dirt, but God comes alongside us and washes all of that away.  He doesn't just cover it up to try to make it match up to a specific appearance. No, He makes us into something entirely brand new!  It makes me ask myself, Where are my feet traveling today?  Are they passionately following their own path, or are they passionately stepping out in faith to follow Jesus?  I pray that my children will see the latter from me, and that my daughter's passionate lifestyle will be transformed into a passion for the ways of the Lord...

5/30/13: LAST day of pre-k

One thing I've prayed daily for Lucy this school year is that she would live up to her name of being a light-bringer.  But not just someone who brings encouragement to others, but someone who actually shares THE light--God's light--with the world around her.  I've prayed daily for God to protect her--mentally, physically, and spiritually--throughout this school year.  I've experienced a small taste of what it means to start letting go by letting God take control of what is already His in the first place.  I've watched her precious feet jump out of the car every morning at around 7:57AM to walk (and sometimes run) excitedly into the school building.  As she did that this morning, on her FIRST last day of school, I couldn't help but feel a BIT sentimental that she's growing up so quickly, and a BUNCH thankful for God's hand in her life thus far.  Even though the school year has ended and I will no longer see her feet run excitedly towards her daily pre-k adventures, I will still pray that God will guide her feet to walk in a newness of life that only He can offer...

Lucy's FIRST 1st day of school: 8/27/2012

Lucy's LAST 1st day of school: 5/30/2013

Isaiah 52:7:
"How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, "Your God reigns!"

The Flowers in my Garden...

Graduating college in May 2006

It's that time of year again...the time when "Pomp and Circumstance" rings through the air like an ongoing round of "This is the Song That Never Ends..."  I love any opportunity to tickle the ivories though, so I'm not complaining.  I think I just always worry that I'm going to stop playing too soon, or, like last year, that I'll lose my place while glancing up to see where everyone is and have to start improvising on one of the most well-known tunes.  (DH thought I just got bored with it last year and started making stuff up!  LOL:)  This year went off without any improvisational hitches though:)  It's always a blessing to lead worship alongside my husband, and seeing students participate is so encouraging to me, too.  (I have such a passion for seeing children and students learn how to be active participants in leading worship.)  One particular graduating senior read a passage from Ecclesiastes.  Like the aforementioned song, this particular passage is very well known, but it really spoke to me in my particular "season" of life right now...

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to gain, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away

A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 

A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace.

an actual picture of my sad-looking flower bed

If I'm being perfectly transparent, this year has been filled with a lot of hurt.  I've experienced a "changing of seasons" in many ways, and it's not been a very easy transition.  While we certainly have so very much to be easily thankful for, we've experienced some trials that have been much harder to be thankful for.  Yet, through them, God has reminded us that He is in control, and He is working everything out for His ultimate good and glory.  My precious mother reminded me of something last night though.  She said, "God isn't going to bring you to this point to just wither and die."  I immediately thought of my horrible flower bed.  After planting what was said to be one of THE heartiest plants, I succeeded in killing them all (or so me and everyone else thought.)  I told my mother how it all made me think of my sad state of a garden--so dead and hopeless looking, but it was little wonder because the conditions (the extremely strong winds and blazing hot temperatures) had not been kind to it.  If I'm being honest, this year has felt like that, where the conditions in life just weren't too kind.  Friends betray us, plans fail, tragedy strikes, etc.  We get misunderstood by people and deemed useless, and just like each leaf that gets blown away and each bud that gets scorched by the elements, we are left looking less than thriving and feeling less than purposeful.  Our soul feel like its withering away...

And yet, if you were to try to pull up those sad-looking plants that once resembled a lantana, you might find it rather difficult, because their roots have grown deeply into the soil.  That's probably why I've left them in my flowerbed all winter long, knowing that it was going to be a bit of a pain to uproot them.  So, there my dead ugly plants have sat in my flowerbed.

Well, this morning we had a chance of rain, and a cloudy day is perfect for a photo session, so Gabriel and I headed into the front yard for a few photos.  After we finished, I gathered up our props and started heading back inside, only to stop and do a double take at the flower bed.  I literally couldn't believe what was before my eyes: 

My lantanas were blooming!  

There, in the midst of the weeds and the dried and dead looking branches were beautiful flowers bursting forth.  I couldn't help but stare in amazement at realizing the timing of it all.  It felt like God had placed those blooms there just for me, to remind me and to encourage me.  What a kind and loving Father we have!  Just think of all of the elements He had to set in place days and weeks before this day so that those flowers would be in bloom at that particular moment for me to see, knowing I needed a visual of His great Truth that no, He is not going to let me just wither away.

So today, I'm reminded to take root in His love, to persevere through the elements, and to remain faithful to my calling, trusting fully that He can take even the flowers in my garden and make them bloom into something beautiful for His glory...

Trusting and Waiting...

Lucy & Gabriel: 5/26/13

I'm having one of those days where I'm a bit of an emotional mess.  My heart is grieving for a dear friend who is waiting to bring their baby home (why does the adoption process have to be so difficult?)  My heart is anxious with thoughts of some upcoming events (and the two cups of coffee I had this morning probably aren't helping that anxiety any!)  My head is spinning at my to-do list.  My eyes are filled with tears at all of the what-ifs that are making themselves known.  But my heart is filled with joy as I look at all of the things that the Lord has done, helping me to be confident that He will surely continue to work in His amazing ways.

As I was having my "Java with Jesus" this morning, I noticed a theme in my prayer time.  With each request that I was presenting before the Lord, I felt Him responding to me with one simple word: trust.

• Do I trust that God knows what is best in this situation?
• Do I trust that God is able to use this and use me?
• Do I trust that God is going to provide?
• Do I trust that God is going to work this particular situation out?
• Do I trust how God is going to answer this request?
• Do I trust God's leading and ability in this area?

GP's first time swinging--He LOVED it!

My human mind immediately cries, "But God, what if..." and, "But Lord, what about..." and He continues to respond, "Trust me." I think the issue (for me) lies in this: We don't necessarily trust that God won't answer our request, but rather we worry HOW God will answer our request, because what if His answer isn't the one we are wanting?  Basically, it all boils down to this question: Do I trust that God really knows what is best for me?  Sadly, I often times do not, yet He still shows me again and again that He does.  I can't help but shake my head at myself as I look at an entry I posted about this time last year, and then bow my head before the Lord in thankfulness for His patience with me.

Yesterday, Gabriel turned 11 months old.  I know people say all of the time how quickly time flies, but seriously, these past 11 months have flown by at the craziest pace!  In less than 1 month from now, I will be the momma of a one year old son...this just does not seem possible to me!  I couldn't help but think of where we were this time last year, not knowing that it would be the last month of our long time of waiting to expand our family.  (Pleas note: I know our adoption process seemed very short to many people, and we are so thankful and blessed that that process alone was not near as lengthy as what many endure.  However, our desire to expand our family started many years before our son was born, so for us, it was a very long-awaited time in our lives.)  As I looked at the devotion in "My Utmost for His Highest" dated May 26th, Gabriel's "11 month birthday," I couldn't help but notice a section I had underlined in a previous year's reading:

"God answers prayer in the BEST way--not just sometimes, but EVERY time..."

In another daily devotion, "Streams in the Desert," May 24th and May 26th's entries stated the following:

"Take heart when God requires you to wait.  The One you wait for will not disappoint you!"
"Nothing pleases the Lord as much as PRAISE...have you learned to praise Him in advance for answers yet to come?"

sissy and baby brother--they love each other so much!

God knew years ago that Gabriel was the baby we had the desire to parent and that Lucy would have the desire to be a sister to.  He began working long ago to bring His plan for us into fulfillment, but we just couldn't see it then.  Oh, how blessed we are that we not only can see it now, but we are also experiencing it now.  What a reminder this precious little boy is of God's faithfulness, His might, and His love.  I am so thankful that through my impatience, the Lord was still patient with me!

Growing...

I was at the checkout line at the grocery store today, and the guy bagging my groceries asked, "How old is he?"  I looked at my sweet baby boy who was chomping away at my mommy-necklace and I replied, "10 whole months!"

The same question had been posed to me earlier in the day by someone else.  She followed up my response with, "Wow...already?!"

Yes.
Ten.whole.months.
Double Digits.
...Already.

It hardly seems possible that Gabriel will be one year old in less than two months from now.  As the "spring cleaning" bug has hit me (just in time for the 100 degree summer-ish temps of Texas to start rolling in!) I've spent the past several days cleaning out the kids' closets and drawers and sorting through clothes that no longer fit them.  It's so crazy to look back on all of his soft little sleepers and rompers and swaddling blankets that he was in just months ago, and yet now here is my baby boy sporting shirts that don't have snaps underneath them (which is a good thing considering he won't stay still long enough for me to get his diaper secured, much less get his clothes snapped on!  His overalls today had moments of resembling a denim romper as he scurried away from me after changing him!)  But the past ten months haven't just been about growing (or OUTgrowing, rather) clothes...

We've not just watched Gabriel grow in size, but we've watched our hearts grow, too.  Our family didn't just welcome in a son--we also welcomed in his birthmommy.  I will never be able to fully express in words how blessed we are by this special woman and how much we love and appreciate her!  We got to talk on the phone this past weekend, and she told me to give both of the kids kisses from her.  After we hung up, I gave Gabriel several kisses from Rachel, and then I turned to Lucy and kissed her as well...only she wanted to know why she didn't get several kisses, too!  LOL:)  I told her that Rachel sent her just as many, but the reason she didn't get all of them was because I couldn't keep her still long enough!  I know that at the age of five, Lucy cannot fully understand the dynamics of everything, but I do know she understands two things very clearly: We love Rachel, and Rachel loves us, too.

...So what all is Gabriel Paul up to at ten months old?

He now has 4 teeth that have popped through, and you can see two more trying to come through as well.

He isn't loving his baby food so much these days...because he wants the REAL stuff!  Today, he tried a chicken nugget for the first time, and boy did he love it!

He had a horrible sinus infection last week--we're talking (TMI alert!) snot bubbles as thick as bubble gum:(  He is feeling much better now though and back to his smiley self:)

He loves music, especially the "Crazy Joyful Noise" DVD by Hillsong Jr.  "Funny Man Dan" always cracks him up, and he is just glued to the songs!  I think he was trying out his Elvis impersonation today though;-)

 He is pulling up on everything and chewing on everything!

He plays constantly with his toys, and he loves snuggles with Mommy and Daddy.

He looks up so much to his sissy, and his sissy is just crazy about her baby brother!

 

The past 10 months have been filled with so much love and growth, as we've grown in our love for each other and we've grown in our knowledge of our Heavenly Father's love for us as his adopted sons and daughters.  We are blessed.  We are thankful.  And we are GROWING!

Mothers Day 2013: I Celebrate You...

On this Mother's Day, I have three very special women in my life that I celebrate...
From my precious mother who carried me as a baby, a child, and even many times now, and gave me life...

To my beloved mother-in-law who raised a son to become the man that would give life to me as a wife...

To my baby boy's amazing birthmother, who chose life for her son, and then chose to give life to me as a mom again.

Mother's Day 2014

...Today, I celebrate each of you. You have impacted my life in a way that no one else could. Your sacrifices have helped mold me into the woman, the wife, and the mother that I am today. But most importantly, the way you have lived your life, the way you have given your love, and the way you have sacrificed on so many different levels--each of your lives have helped draw mine closer to my Jesus in different ways. My words, my actions, and my tokens of affection will never measure up to what each of you has done, but that doesn't mean I will stop trying to figure out a way to be able to express to you the gratitude and love I have for each of you. I celebrate you today as an outpouring of my thanks to God for blessing my life so richly because of placing your life in mine.

...and I thank Him, that because of these two gifts I have been given, I have the privilege of participating in this day as I proudly wear the title of their mother. Lucy Shea and Gabriel Paul--I love you with all of my heart!

...My husband, as always, made Mother's Day a special day for me this year.  Lucy used money from her piggy bank and got me a Vera Bradley tumbler, Gabriel got me a chewbeads necklace (I'm not sure which one of us is more excited about that;-) and DH found Les Miserables on sale and we watched it that evening.  (If you haven't seen it, you MUST!  It is an amazing story of redemption with so many spiritual parallels.  And, of course, it's awesome because it's a musical:)  DH got me the sweetest card, too and grilled hamburgers for Mom and me.

My mother came in for the weekend, and she got to be at church with us on Sunday. (DH's parents are coming next weekend, so we will celebrate with her then:)  Several years ago, I wrote a song for her as her Mother's Day present, and I got to sing it at church this Sunday.  The point of the song is that through my mother's example, I am the woman I am today, because she showed Christ to me.  I pray my life, like the lives of all of the mothers in my life, will be an outpouring of love and sacrifice and will ultimately point others to my Jesus! 

Happy Mother's Day!

(As a side note...the introduction and the closing to this song contain the melody to "Hush little baby," because that's the song my mother always sang me to sleep with.  I couldn't get a recording of it to come out very clearly though, so I will just post the lyrics.)

Momma's Song 
by Paula-Beth Toller
I remember the days of pigtails and curls
Of Barbies and Cabbage Patch Kids
Being tucked in at night by the sweet lullabies
As my momma would sing me to sleep

Those times may be no more
But one thing is for sure

You kissed the scrapes, wiped the tears, through all the years
Never asked for a thing in return
You showed me love, gave me hope, that one day I would grow
Into the woman you knew I could be
And that's why you mean everything to me

Looking back on the years of my childhood days
I remember one thing more than the rest
How the faith that you showed and the love that you gave
Led me closer to my Jesus each day

It may have been long ago
But I remember it more than you know

You kissed the scrapes, wiped the tears, through all the years
Never asked for a thing in return
You showed me love, gave me hope, that one day I would grow
Into the woman you'd be proud to see
And that's why you mean everything to me

And now I can see
Everything I am now is because of all you've been to me

'Cause you kissed the scrapes, wiped the tears, through all the years
Never asked for a thing in return
You showed me love, gave me hope, that one day I would grow
Into the woman you knew I could be
And that's why you mean everything to me
Yes, that's why you mean everything to me
My momma you mean everything to me